Koolaids

by Rabih Alameddine

If there is one statement I hate more than anything else in the world, it’s “They say Beirut used to be the Paris of the Middle East.” That is so fucking patronizing. I hate it. It is so fucking condescending. Beirut is probably the greatest city in the world. One of the oldest, if not the oldest, with more history in one of its neighborhoods than all the cities of the United States. It really irritates me. Of course, the corollary statement, “I hear Beirut used to be the Switzerland of the Middle East” is just as inane. There is no comparison. Paris is Paris and Beirut is Beirut. The people who say such idiotic statements have never been to Beirut, of course. If it weren’t for the war, they probably would never have heard of it. Just like people who say, “Some of my best friends are gay.” I hate that. I hate people who say that.