First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship

by Shelly Wildman

My job as a parent is to bring the truth of Christ to my children every day, and to intentionally guide them throughout their lives so that they will grow deep roots of faith. That’s discipleship.

God had a plan for families right from the beginning, and his plan was that the world would see his redemptive process lived out in our messy families every day, in all its glory. Restoration, reconciliation, redemption—it’s all there within the four walls of our home.

Our families are a flesh-and-blood picture of the gospel. When our neighbors see us living out our messy day-to-day lives, they get a small glimpse into what Jesus has done for us. God doesn’t expect our families to be perfect, but he does want us to know that we are here for something more than mere shared existence. He wants us to shine the light of Jesus into the dark corners of the world, and sometimes he uses our families to hold the lantern. Our effectiveness depends on our intentionality.

Here we find a loving God who desires good things for his children. Here we see that, as his children, we have a choice to make—we can choose either life or death, blessings or curses. As a parent, I want so much for my children to choose life, an abundant life, a life of following Jesus wherever he calls them to go. I want their lives to be fully committed to him. And so, as a parent, it is my responsibility to help guide them toward this life intentionally.

I mean you should look every day for every opportunity to point your needy kids to the presence, promises, power, and grace of Jesus.”1 Discipling our kids means modeling what true faith looks like.

It may seem as obvious to you as it is to me, but I want to be clear—strong families are essential to society, especially today, and researchers would agree: “Healthy individuals within healthy families are essentially at the core of a healthy society. It is the responsibility of society and in everyone’s best interest to help create a positive environment for

all families.”1 As Christians living out God’s purposes for our families, we have a special responsibility to the world around us, and strengthening our families is one of the best ways we can fulfill that duty.

children who are the most resilient to life’s challenges are those who have a clear sense of purpose.3 These children live in families with established priorities and a clear vision, which give these children a sense of security.

highly functional families—the ones that really contribute to society—are those who communicate “this is who we are” and “this is where we are going” to each of their members.

While they are young and living under our roof, however, we must make it a priority to show our children that life is most satisfying when lived within the safe boundaries of the Good Shepherd.

Are you

making it your number one priority as a parent to point your child toward life in Jesus? If not, stop here and think about that. Remember that what your child needs most as he or she grows toward adulthood is not financial security; it’s spiritual security. If you need to take some time to...

If you’ve never given any thought to a family vision or purpose, choosing a starting place may feel like an impossible task. The best place to start is by determining your overarching vision. How you will lead your kids to the Good Shepherd and shine his light into this dark world is up to you and may look different in every family. But why you cast a vision matters.

Parents, we’ve got to help our children catch our family purpose, our why. After all, we are not here simply to take up space in the world, but we are here to make a difference for eternity. This means that our every interaction—be it with friends, neighbors, coworkers, even strangers—has eternal significance. Our motivations are not self-focused but are intended to glorify God in every way. Intentionally thinking through our family’s purpose should give us a view that’s bigger than what’s right in front of us. Knowing our purpose will reorient our thinking to focus on bringing glory to the Savior who longs to be with us forever. No longer are we simply getting through the day. Having a vision for our family helps us remind our children of what’s ultimately most important in this life.

No other family is exactly like yours, with your particular leanings and values. The point is that you get to define your family priorities; nobody else can do that. And you get to figure out together how your purpose will be accomplished with the unique personalities, needs, and giftings of each person in the family, always keeping in mind your number one priority of discipleship.

Basically, what follows are some ideas about how we can point our kids to Jesus and bless the world around us and, most importantly, why.

Parents, we must teach our children to have self-discipline because this trait will affect their relationships throughout their lives, including, and most importantly, their relationship with God.

will make

Consider the word discipline for a minute. The root of the word means “to train, teach, or instruct.” Of course, it can also have a negative connotation: to punish, correct, or control. Let’s put that negative idea aside for now and think about discipline as training rather than punishment. When we dig a little deeper into the meaning of the word discipline, we find that it originates from the word disciple.

First, our kids need to practice truthfulness because, as we have just seen, God delights in it; without truthfulness our relationship with him will suffer.

God uses to grow us to be more like him. When we serve, and when our kids serve alongside us, we see God’s compassionate heart for all people, and we gain the opportunity to practice sharing it with others. Jesus came to serve everyone, not just those who are pretty and smell nice and speak our language. Everyone. And we should serve likewise. Jesus provided an example

When we create family memories, we remind our children that God is still at work in our families, that he has been faithful to us in the past and will be faithful to us in the future.

Because spiritual development takes time, and because it can be overwhelming, I’d suggest choosing two or three areas that I’ve discussed here to pray through for your kids. And keep asking why! Why is this value important for this child at this time? Why are we doing what we’re doing as a family? Why are we not doing what we don’t do? Finally, consider writing out your family’s unique purpose with your values in mind. It can be as simple as writing out three or four statements—“We are _______________”—and posting them on your refrigerator for everyone to see. Take some time to develop these ideas together and see how God begins to focus and transform your family. And remember: God wants to work through you to connect your child with his Son.

parenting is not first about what we want for our children or from our children, but about what God in grace has planned to do through us in our children.1