For a long time, love felt like something that I had to earn, that could be taken from me at any time for bad behavior. It felt like just above my head there was a gauge that only I could sense. The gauge measured how much love I received from the people around me. If I was good, more love poured in, and the gauge moved up. If I was bad, the love poured out, the gauge went down. Love was subject to change, based on my behavior. The better I was, the more I got: from God, my parents, my siblings, my friends. It felt like any love I didn’t get went to someone else, someone who deserved it more.
