Buckled (Trails of Sin, #2)

by Pam Godwin

“The happiness that comes before the hurt is the best feeling in the world.” He closes his eyes, his whisper riding on a shredded breath. “It’s worth it.”

Fuck it all if I find that person. I’ll latch on so tightly she won’t stand a chance. I’ll move mountains. Stake my claim. Piss all over my territory. Rearrange my entire existence until we buckle together beneath the intensity.

Resting my eyes on her is deeply satisfying, and I’m gripped with a sudden sense of necessity. An urgency to keep her in my presence. It’s an irrational feeling, but I can’t let it go. It’s already soaked into my bones and become a part of me.

Does she know that? Is that why she fears my reaction? It doesn’t help that I trussed her up against her will. I’m certain she’s into this kind of play, but it’s too soon. I pushed too hard, too fast, without a foundation of trust. I fucked up. “Listen to me.” I lower my face to hers. “I would never hurt you out of anger.”

“That’s not how I work. No contracts or safe words or any of that crap. Maybe I won’t lay a hand on you. Or maybe we’ll explore every fantasy you’ve ever conjured. But that’s for me to decide. I lead, and you follow.”

I’ve never shared my clothes with anyone. I don’t do overnights. I’ve never slept beside a woman. But before she returns to Chicago, I intend to do all that and more. Because she’s different. She’s not desperate or clingy like the women I’ve been with. She doesn’t bend at my every command. She has convictions, and she stands up for them with fire in her eyes.

“This is what you needed.” I rub my tongue against hers, controlling the rhythm and pressure as I stroke the hot depths of her pussy. “You needed my fingers in your cunt, destroying it, owning it, you dirty, filthy girl.” “No, I’m… I can’t.” She rears back her head and drags in a breath. “If I hear can’t one more time—”

She said we want different things, but she’s wrong. We want this, us, with matching intensity, and tonight, I’ll prove it to her.

I made a deal with her that I have no intention of honoring. Because I can’t fathom going back to a life without her. The notion is so bleak and horrifying it fills me with desperate rage. I will never let her go.

“I can’t walk away from this.” His fingers loosen, gliding across my cheek and into my hair. “Can’t walk away from you.”

His teeth break skin, and holy shit, that hurts. I jerk away and glance at the wound. No blood. “You left a mark!” I gape at him. “Exactly.” He ducks around my leg and rises to his full height behind me. “By the end of the night, you’ll be covered in my marks.”

“Let me.” “We don’t have protection.” A swallow sticks in my throat. “I’m clean.” “But—” “I want children with you.” “What?” My heart stops. “You heard me.” “Children? Have you lost your mind?” I scramble out from beneath him. “I don’t mean right now.” He stands and tucks himself into his jeans. “I just… With you, I want marriage and kids and all of it. You’re it for me. Today, tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after.”

“You belong to me.” He prowls closer. “I’ll piss a circle around you if I have to. I’ll move mountains and rearrange my entire existence. I’m not giving you up.”

“This changes everything.” My chest heaves beneath the tight fold of my arms. “In the best way.” “It won’t end well.” “That’s where you’re wrong.” He takes another step toward me, pausing a few feet away. “It won’t end. Period.” “Think about what you’re saying.” “I don’t need to think.” He pounds a fist against his chest. “I feel it.”

He finally pins me on my stomach, with his chest against my back, trapping me in the inescapable cage of his body. His knees roughly force my legs apart, and he rams into me with so much force it knocks the wind from my lungs.

“Love.” I grimace. “How many times has love found me and dumped me? In the end, I’m lost.” “I won’t leave you. I would sell my soul if it meant never losing you.”

“You’re where you’re supposed to be, where you belong.” “I own nothing.” “You own me.”

“You’re giving up.” “I’m giving you up. Freeing you to move on. You think you love me, but when you find the next one, you’ll thank me.” “Is that what I am to you? Just another man to love and lose?” No. That’s why this hurts so goddamn much. I’ve been through breakups, walkouts, and abandonments. I cried. I moved on. Jarret Holsten isn’t a man I can move on from. He’s the man I will never know as deeply as I want even as he forever owns my heart. This isn’t a break-up. It’s a separation of souls.

“I’ll change your mind.” He grips the door, preventing me from closing it. “Not this time. Let go.” “I’ll heal the damage I’ve done. I’ll carry you through this.”

“I’ll wait.” He stands taller, shoulders back, and adopts the confident stance so intrinsic to who he is. “Take your space, your time, whatever you need. But I won’t let you take forever. That belongs to me. Your forever is mine.”

“I love you so goddamn much I can’t function without you. I can’t sleep. I can’t work. I can’t fucking breathe when you’re four fucking hours away.”

“I bought a truck you wouldn’t recognize, so I could follow you. Watch you. I couldn’t…” His hands lift to his face, and his shoulders roll forward, his huge frame shuddering beneath the deluge of rain. “I can’t let you go.”

“Living without you is a form of death. A death I refuse to accept.”

“I see you. I see your misery, heartbreak, longing. It’s lived in your eyes since you left, trapped in turmoil. But I see love, too. It’s still there, Maybe, and I swear to God, if you would just accept it, if you would give me a chance, I’ll set you free. Let me take part in your pain, walk with you, sit with you, watch over you, something, anything… Just…let me join you in the hurt.” His throat bobs. “Come home.”