Buckled (Trails of Sin, #2)

by Pam Godwin

Some might say I’m unethical. Maybe even depraved. But the things I’ve witnessed and the crimes committed against those I love tainted me. Provoked me. Gave birth to the anger and strength blazing through my veins.

The fact that I’m letting him live proves him wrong. But there’s an iota of truth in his statement.

A man cannot be good unless he possesses the capacity to be evil. Decency is a choice. It’s being tempted by hatred and following a different path no matter how difficult. It’s looking inward with a magnifying glass and acknowledging the flaws and weaknesses in one’s character.

“The happiness that comes before the hurt is the best feeling in the world.” He closes his eyes, his whisper riding on a shredded breath. “It’s worth it.”

Jake’s a good guy, but Conor Cassidy sets the bar. I’ve been with countless women, and no one comes close to the contagious passion and soulful strength that Conor possesses. I suspect no one ever will. Fuck it all if I find that person. I’ll latch on so tightly she won’t stand a chance. I’ll move mountains. Stake my claim. Piss all over my territory. Rearrange my entire existence until we buckle together beneath the intensity. I want what Jake had with Conor. I fucking crave it. He and I might be different in many ways, but we share one thing in common. We don’t just love. We love hard, with every bone, sinew, and breath in our bodies.

Her brother, Lorne Cassidy, went to prison for killing the wrong man, and her father moved her to Chicago. To my hometown. She doesn’t have a clue who I am or how we’re connected, and I hope to God I never have to be the person to tell her.

It stings. It shouldn’t, but I’m hypersensitive to being cast away by men. It’s like I’m wearing a sign on my forehead that reads, Not worth the effort. Not even worth a goodbye.

I have to finish this. If I don’t, the mystery surrounding my total ruin will forever haunt me. I need an explanation. I need closure. With a tight grip on the steering wheel, I hit the gas and follow Jarret Holsten.

Her lips part. Her eyes flutter, and she melts beneath my weight. Then she blinks. Her expression closes off, and every inch of her goes taut. That’s when it clicks. She’s different. So remarkably different from other women.

Does she know that? Is that why she fears my reaction? It doesn’t help that I trussed her up against her will. I’m certain she’s into this kind of play, but it’s too soon. I pushed too hard, too fast, without a foundation of trust. I fucked up.

Not as beautiful as her smile. She should do that more often.

That’s where her soul shines the brightest, in those vast oceans of restless blue. All the beauty in the universe can’t compete with the allure in her eyes. Vivid layers of complexity burn like fire, and when she lifts that gaze to mine, I ache to be incinerated by it.

“Here’s what I want to know.” Jake swallows his last bite and looks at Jarret. “If you start eating her out on the regular, does that mean you’re on a vegetarian diet?” My jaw clenches. Teasing is one thing. This is crossing the line.

His tongue slides along the seam of my lips, demanding entry, and I grant it. My heart flutters. His breathing quickens, and we fall into a kiss that ruins me for all others.

“She’s going to fall in love with you.” I release a startled grunt. “That’s not even in the realm of possibilities.”

I already appreciate her. Every insatiable, infuriating inch of her. That’s the problem.

What I wouldn’t give to trace a finger along those lashes. I bet they feel like feathers against the apples of her high cheekbones. Someday soon, I’m going to kiss each of her eyelids and let those sexy lashes caress my lips. I never want to see them wet. Unless it’s on the cusp of pleasure.

She’s going to fall in love with you. That’s not the danger here. It’s me. I’m slipping, and I fucking know it. I need to pull back. I don’t even know her.

A thrill jolts through me. She’s wonderfully, beautifully, remarkably perfect. Stubborn as a mule, but damn, I wouldn’t change a thing about her.

Finally. Fucking finally, I have her. Wild and molten, wet and volatile, her fight is beautiful, but her surrender is goddamn exquisite.

I will never let her go.

“I can’t walk away from this.” His fingers loosen, gliding across my cheek and into my hair. “Can’t walk away from you.” “Same.”

“I just… With you, I want marriage and kids and all of it. You’re it for me. Today, tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after.” I feel like my eyes are going to pop out of the sockets.

“I’ve only known you for nine days.” “I fell for you the first night.” There goes my heart. He might as well reach into my chest and yank out the miserable thing.

I arch against him, moaning. “You’re a breast man.” “I’m a Maybe man.”

I also know that I’ve fallen deeply, madly, insanely in love with him.

“I think a lifetime with you isn’t enough.”

I adore her. Cherish her. Worship the ground she walks on. I fucking love her with everything inside me, and I’m sick of holding back the words, the promise I want to make to her, and the secrets I ache to tell her.

Jarret Holsten isn’t a man I can move on from. He’s the man I will never know as deeply as I want even as he forever owns my heart. This isn’t a break-up. It’s a separation of souls.

“Take your space, your time, whatever you need. But I won’t let you take forever. That belongs to me. Your forever is mine.”

I stand there long after he fades into the darkness. I wait for him to return. I wait for months. This time, he’s gone for good.

“Living without you is a form of death. A death I refuse to accept.”

She’s my serenity and my fire, my first and last breath.