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I remember thinking, Oh, but it won’t be like that for me.
It did not occur to me that we could simply muddle through. Learn as we go. Change things later. Forgive ourselves.
I wish these two things had happened in the other order: me learning what I needed and then becoming someone’s mother. But it’s better than nothing.
I am still in the world, sure, and still writing. In fact, I am writing more and earning more money than I did pre-baby, but I still feel left behind.
What if, instead of worrying about scaring pregnant women, people told them the truth? What if pregnant women were treated like thinking adults? What if everyone worried less about giving women a bad impression of motherhood?
After two more nights of hell, it is done and everything is better and we are left wondering why we didn’t do it sooner. The feeling that we have taken things into our own hands is intoxicating. What else can we do? What else haven’t we done?
With stuff this big, almost any way of looking at it can be true. We all talked like we were going to eventually reach some grand conclusion, some correct stance, but in fact it was different for everybody, impossible to pin down.