Kid Confidence: Help Your Child Make Friends, Build Resilience, and Develop Real Self-Esteem

by Eileen Kennedy-Moore

Learn to Ask Useful Questions Rumination typically focuses on vague and judgmental why questions (Topper et al. 2014). You may have heard your child say things like “Why am I so stupid?” “Why does this keep happening to me?” “Why can’t things be easier for me?” or “Why can I never do anything right?” Nothing useful will come from dwelling on these questions! And they’re guaranteed to make your child feel more upset. More targeted questions can suggest a path forward and lead to productive problem solving rather than endless rumination (Watkins 2016). I recommend considering questions that begin with “What can I…?” It takes practice to learn to do this kind of productive thinking instead of ruminating. You may want to work with your child to come up with some useful questions to write on index cards, so she can consult them when needed. Here are some possibilities: What can I do to solve this? What can I do to make things a little bit better? What can I try that might help?