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September 16 - December 9, 2018
He was not a very obvious person; he’d been told before that he was frustratingly difficult to follow. The what, they said, it shows up on you easy, shows up bold as sunrise—it is the why that is so well-hidden.
I won’t have my right to capriciousness curbed by your raging inhibitions,
He felt dizzy, lightheaded—and like an overinfatuated idiot, oh, no, that was way too personal way too fast, that was overdoing it, he was overdoing it. This was always how it went, he held himself back because when he was honest he was too honest and he made it awkward for everyone, oh, gods, he’d made a fool of himself, a frantic overdramatic fool—
His body reacted to imaginings as strongly as it did to realities. It always had.
“You strain yourself trying to understand something before it is ready to reveal itself to you.
it is the unexpected things which impact us the most, and really, you do not want to know everything nearly as badly as you think you do.”
How far do you have to push your boundaries before you can feel them stretch? How high do you have to climb before your horizon expands? Is it possible to notice your own growing, or is improvement like an eyeball—visible to everything but itself?
She had nonchalantly summarized the feeling that had haunted him since he could remember, the feeling of being a supporting character in his own life.

