his kindness makes me feel safe, but when I think about who I want to sleep with, safe is not what I look for.” “Because it’s not what?” I ask her. “It’s not transgressive enough? It’s not aggressive enough?” “It’s not aggressive enough.” “And he is in some way too much of a conscientious lover?” “Yeah.” “And he’s constantly paying attention to you?” “Which is very thoughtful.” “Very thoughtful indeed, but not exciting.” I add. “It’s all very affectionate, very cozy; it’s just not sexual. You’ve replaced sensual love with something else. It’s what the sex therapist Dagmar O’Connor calls
...more
