Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong

by Eric Barker

The filtered leaders didn’t rock the boat. The unfiltered leaders couldn’t help but rock it. Often they broke things, but sometimes they broke things like slavery, as Abraham Lincoln did.

You can do this too: know thyself and pick the right pond. Identify your strengths and pick the right place to apply them.

The lesson from cases of people both keeping and losing their jobs is that as long as you keep your boss or bosses happy, performance really does not matter that much and, by contrast, if you upset them, performance won’t save you.

Meanwhile, Givers run around handing out favors, losing a little to Takers, getting a fair share back from Matchers, and winning the lottery whenever they meet another Giver.

You cooperate with me, I cooperate with you. You betray me, I betray you.

you can define a game for yourself that is winnable. Is your game to learn as much as possible at the office so you’re ready for that promotion? Do you want to get better at giving presentations or acquire another skill set?

Now, what if your boss hates you? Or you’re facing discrimination in the workplace? Those games really aren’t winnable. Move on. Find a game you can win.

WNGF—doing what is winnable, has novel challenges and goals, and provides feedback. Plus, games are always more fun when played with other people.

WOOP—wish, outcome, obstacle, plan—is applicable to most any of your goals, from career to relationships to exercise and weight loss.

Why does liquor make you richer? Unlike smoking, drinking is primarily a social activity.

Academic studies show that the biggest source of conflict between friends is making the time to see each other.

“Godzilla vs. Rodan” effect. When the other person starts yelling and you start yelling and you both follow the war metaphor,

We can hear and understand seven hundred words a minute, but people only speak about one hundred words a minute. This lag can cause your mind to wander. Focus.

Burnout is the result of a pessimistic attitude toward your job.

We love having choices. We hate making choices. Having choices means having possibilities. Making choices means losing possibilities. And having so many choices increases the chance of regret.

Most of us use our calendars all wrong: we don’t schedule work; we schedule interruptions.

Success is not the result of any single quality; it’s about alignment between who you are and where you choose to be.