Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong

by Eric Barker

Move on. Find a game you can win.

Research shows we often don’t do what makes us happiest; we do what’s easy.

Therefore, to make work fun, add challenges. For something to have meaning, you ultimately have to make your mark, to be engaged.

Research shows that the most motivating thing is progress in meaningful work.

“Our research inside companies revealed that the best way to motivate people, day in and day out, is by facilitating progress—even small wins.”

In fact, the data shows that consistent small wins are even better at producing happiness than occasionally bagging an elephant:

“Once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion that favor another small win.”

Everything we do in life is a trade-off. Choosing to do one thing means not doing something else. There was no way for Spencer to say “I want to do this” without also saying “And I’m willing to give that up to do it.”

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”

Which people are the most stressed out? Those who wouldn’t quit what wasn’t working.

we need less. Fewer distractions, fewer goals, fewer responsibilities. Is that so we can watch more TV? No. We need less of those things so we can go all in on our priorities.

So keep trying new things. It makes you luckier.

Fail fast and fail cheap.

WOOP—wish, outcome, obstacle, plan—is applicable to most any of your goals, from career to relationships to exercise and weight loss.

three Ps; don’t see bad things as permanent, pervasive, or personal.

“only 6 percent of people work in the profession they aspired to in childhood”

Now, there’s a reason mom said “Be a people person,” and there are many reasons why it’s good to be an extrovert. Dealing with other people is a huge part of what most of us do, and how we get along with others is often key to success.

Drinkers make 10 percent more than abstainers.

drinking is primarily a social activity.

The authors of the study speculate that increased drinking leads to increased “social capital”: you’re probably out bonding with others and making connections.

Meanwhile, other studies show that those who initially act shy in groups are perceived as less intelligent.

to get ahead you need to self-promote. This comes naturally to extroverts and is actually more important than competence when it comes to being seen as a leader.

“It’s the quiet ones you have to watch.”

It is better to give than to receive.

Do not be transactional about networking. Do not offer something because you want something in return. Instead, show a genuine interest in something you and the other person have in common.

There’s no need to be afraid of networking.

Research shows you like names better when they are similar to yours.

“I Feel Like I Know You: Sharing Negative Attitudes of Others Promotes Feelings of Familiarity” showed that’s true.

There’s plenty of research showing that trying to make others in your network happy makes the happiness come back to you. Happy friends make you 15 percent more likely to be happy too.

money definitely brings happiness when we spend it on the people we love. So text a friend and buy them coffee.

“The groups you associate with often determine the type of person you become. For people who want improved health, association with other healthy people is usually the strongest and most direct path of change.”

Longitudinal studies show the people who live the longest aren’t the ones who get the most help; they’re the ones who give the most help.)

What’s something that improves team communication and effectiveness that you won’t read about in most formal manuals? Joking around with your coworkers.

Opting out of the social dynamics of the company.

If you’re a leader at your organization, it’s very important you go out of your way to foster good relationships between your employees. When workers have at least one close talented friend at a company their effort and productivity go up 10 percent. How’s that for motivating?

And having few friends is more dangerous than obesity and is the equivalent health risk of smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.

the mentors who really make you succeed need to care about you.

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” If

Mentoring a young person is four times more predictive of happiness than your health or how much money you make. So if you’ve got the skills, don’t just think about who can help you. Think about whom you can help.

Hostage negotiators are dealing with the most intense situations imaginable but the attitude they take from beginning to end during a crisis is one of acceptance, caring, and patience.

food is an effective persuasion tool:

Why is friendship such a powerful model for dealing with people, even in business? It comes down to what negotiators call “value creation.”

Instead of trying to get a bigger slice of a set pie, we can expand the pie for everyone.

We can hear and understand seven hundred words a minute, but people only speak about one hundred words a minute. This lag can cause your mind to wander. Focus.

What’s the most important thing that makes people want to stay friends with you over the long haul? A little thing called gratitude. * Whatever

“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”

Just writing down good things that happened to you before going to bed has repeatedly been shown to increase happiness.

Eulogies are so much more valuable when we do them before someone’s gone.

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

The joy of the new never lasts. And this happens with everything.