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by
Eric Barker
Read between
May 26 - May 28, 2020
sometimes an ugly duckling can be a swan if it finds the right pond.
Grades are, however, an excellent predictor of self-discipline, conscientiousness, and the ability to comply with rules. In an interview, Arnold said, “Essentially, we are rewarding conformity and the willingness to go along with the system.”
The second reason is that schools reward being a generalist.
said, “The difference between good leaders and great leaders is not an issue of ‘more.’ They’re fundamentally different people.” Had the British seen the failure of appeasement and said “Get us a better Neville Chamberlain,” they would have been screwed. They didn’t need a more filtered leader; they needed someone the system would have never let in the door. The old ways didn’t work, and doubling down on them would have been disastrous. To fight a menace like Hitler, they needed a maverick like Churchill.
The same genes that lead to bad stuff can actually lead to great stuff in a different situation. The same knife that can be used to viciously stab someone can also prepare food for your family. Whether the knife is good or bad depends on context.
Most people are dandelions; they’ll come out okay under almost any circumstances. Others are orchids; they’re not just more sensitive to negative outcomes but more sensitive to everything. They won’t flourish in the dirt by the side of a road like a dandelion would. But when they’re well tended in a nice greenhouse, their beauty will put the dandelions to shame.
Too often we label things “good” or “bad” when the right designation might merely be “different.”
We spend too much time trying to be “good” when good is often merely average. To be great we must be different. And that doesn’t come from trying to follow society’s vision of what is best, because society doesn’t always know what it needs. More often being the best means just being the best version of you.
The same traits that make people a nightmare to deal with can also make them the people who change the world.
The Gospel of Thomas says, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
And knowing yourself, in terms of achieving what you want in life, means being aware of your strengths.
You were successful because you happened to be in an environment where your biases and predispositions and talents and abilities all happened to align neatly with those things that would produce success in that environment.
When you choose your pond wisely, you can best leverage your type, your signature strengths, and your context to create tremendous value. This is what makes for a great career, but such self-knowledge can create value wherever you choose to apply it.
The lesson from cases of people both keeping and losing their jobs is that as long as you keep your boss or bosses happy, performance really does not matter that much and, by contrast, if you upset them, performance won’t save you.
they’re assertive about what they want, and they’re not afraid to let others know about what they’ve achieved.
“The quality of a society is more important than your place in that society.”
Once trust goes, everything goes.
The historical record shows pirates had no trouble getting people to join their ranks, while the Royal Navy resorted to compelling men to sign up.
“Matchers” (people who try to keep an even balance of give and take) and “Takers” (people who selfishly always try to get more and give less) end up in the middle. Givers are found at the very top and very bottom.
Studies show spending money on others makes us happier than spending it on ourselves. Volunteering even just two hours a week predicts increases in life satisfaction.
But isn’t TFT a lot like Adam Grant’s Matchers? There are two critical distinctions. TFT starts off with cooperation. Matchers don’t necessarily cooperate.
RULE 1: PICK THE RIGHT POND
When you take a job take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with—because the odds are you’re going to become like them; they are not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work.
Studies show that your boss has a much larger effect on your happiness and success than the company at large.
RULE 2: COOPERATE FIRST
RULE 3: BEING SELFLESS ISN’T SAINTLY, IT’S SILLY
RULE 4: WORK HARD—BUT MAKE SURE IT GETS NOTICED
RULE 5: THINK LONG TERM AND MAKE OTHERS THINK LONG TERM
RULE 6: FORGIVE
Optimistic explanatory style predicted success.
“a healthy mind tells itself flattering lies.”
Meaningful doesn’t have to be saving orphans or curing the sick. As long as your story is meaningful to you, it has power.
Why do kids hate homework that’s repetitive and incredibly hard but they’ll gleefully run away from homework to play games . . . which are repetitive and incredibly hard?
We crave ease, but stimulation is what really makes us happy.
Time does not equal money, because we can get more money.
What are you going to quit or say no to in order to make time for what matters most?
Fantasizing gives us the reward before we’ve accomplished the task and saps the energy we need to realize it.
WOOP—wish, outcome, obstacle, plan—is applicable to most any of your goals, from career to relationships to exercise and weight loss.
First, you get to dream. What’s the thing you wish for? What are you fantasizing about? (I want an awesome job.) Really crystalize it in your mind and see the outcome you desire. (I want to work as a VP at Google.) Then it’s time to face reality. What obstacle is in the way? (I don’t know how to get an interview there.) Then address it. What’s your plan? (I’m going to check LinkedIn and see if I know anyone who works there and can connect me with HR.)
You need to remember Seligman’s three Ps; don’t see bad things as permanent, pervasive, or personal.
Friends are just family we choose.
Limitless freedom is alternately paralyzing and overwhelming.
