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by
Eric Barker
Read between
May 13 - May 20, 2020
If you answered b, it’s time to WOOP. Take each of those hunches and run them through the wish-outcome-obstacle-plan process. The one that energizes you the most should get serious consideration. The ones that leave you meh get the boot.
2. ARE YOU OPTIMISTIC?
3. DO YOU HAVE A MEANINGFUL STORY?
Who do you want to be remembered as? What qualities do you want your friends and loved ones to prize and miss? They remind you who you are when things get hard. Stories don’t have to be 100 percent true.
4. HAVE YOU MADE IT A GAME?
5. YOU ARE A GRIT MACHINE. ARE YOU THINKING LIKE A SICK PERSON?
You can’t do it all and do it well. Kill the activities that don’t produce results and double down on what does.
6. YOU’RE ALMOST THERE. HAVE YOU ADDED SOME “LITTLE BETS”?
Pascal once said, “All the unhappiness of man stems from one thing only: That he is incapable of staying quietly in his room.”
When I asked Panda about networking he said this: It is better to give than to receive. Look for opportunities to do something for the other person, such as sharing knowledge or offering an introduction to someone that person might not know but would be interested in knowing. Do not be transactional about networking. Do not offer something because you want something in return. Instead, show a genuine interest in something you and the other person have in common.
Frankly, it’s downright scary how powerful similarity is. Research shows you like names better when they are similar to yours. You prefer brands that merely share your initials. Birthdays are easier to remember when they are closer to yours. You even prefer people who move the way you do. Why do news anchors and actors need to be so good looking? Because we assume attractive people are more similar to us. (We’re such narcissists, ain’t we?)
START WITH THE FRIENDS YOU ALREADY HAVE Research shows that one of the quickest and easiest ways to boost your network isn’t to pass your business card out on street corners; it’s to just reconnect with old friends.
Clinical psychologist and workplace consultant Al Bernstein says, “You can’t not play politics; you can only play them badly . . . the only place where relationships don’t matter is on a desert island far away from the rest of the world.”
Harvard researcher Shawn Achor found that the workers least likely to develop workplace friendships were also the least likely to get promoted. (Feel free to read that sentence a few hundred more times so it sinks in.)
All right, you wanna be a real ramblin’ earth shaker? Somebody who changes the world and gets recognized in the history books? K. Anders Ericsson, the guy who created that ten-thousand-hour theory of expertise, says there ain’t no two ways about it; you’re gonna need a mentor: “These findings are consistent with a study of internationally successful athletes, scientists, and artists, where [Benjamin] Bloom (1985) found that, virtually without exception, each individual had been trained by a master teacher, who had trained earlier students to reach an international level.”
It turns out that actually most of these world-class performers had a first coach, or a first teacher, who made the activity fun. If you excel at something, and you experience mastery, it often does make it more fun and enjoyable to do it. We’ve overlooked the reverse effect, which is that often interest precedes the development of talent. It’s having a coach or teacher who really makes something exciting to be involved in that leads you to often put in the practice necessary to become an expert at it.
BE A WORTHY PUPIL, GRASSHOPPER There is an old saying: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” If you’re doing everything you can to advance your career, getting a mentor won’t be too hard.
What makes a mentor want to go the extra mile for you? When you demonstrate you have explored every conceivable avenue and can go no further without the mentor’s help. Seeing that you have done everything in your power shows you’re smart, you won’t waste their time, and you’re resourceful. Most mentors see themselves that way too, so the two of you now have something very important in common.
Instead of thinking about what you need, remember what they’re probably thinking: I’m the best in my field and I’m busy. Who do I want to help for free in my very limited time?
STUDY THEM. NO, REALLY STUDY THEM. If they’re at the top of their field, there will certainly be info about them on the interwebz. Spend the time. To be intimately familiar with someone’s work is rare and quite flattering.
WASTING A MENTOR’S TIME IS A MORTAL SIN Yes, it will annoy them, but more importantly it shows you lack basic skills. It screams to a mentor, “This person isn’t ready for my help.” Writing a multi-page email to a very busy person doesn’t show you’re serious—it shows you’re insane. So respect their time and start small.
Asking great questions is a perfect way to build a relationship. But the key word here is “great” questions. Never ask a mentor a question Google can easily answer for you. Carve this in stone. Scrawl it in blood above your desk. Get a tattoo of it. You can learn the basics of any subject on Khan Academy. And you should have already done all that work. Asking your mentor a question is like a power up in a video game. Don’t waste them. Use them when they’ll really count.
FOLLOW UP Early on, don’t mention the M word: mentor. You wouldn’t ask someone to marry you on the first date, would you? You’re trying to start a relationship, not close a sale. It’s going to take time, and that’s okay. But you’re going...
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You need to consistently hit them with a conversation defibrillator to keep the relationship alive but without being a nuisance. Do what they said, get results, and let them know they made a difference. This is what mentors want. If they engage, you can follow up with “I [did my homework] and figured [really impressive next steps] would be [fill in the blank], but I’d love your insight. Do you think [well-thought-out strategy one] or [well-thought-out strategy two] is better?” You want these interactions to become conversational back-and-forths, not one-offs.
MAKE THEM PROUD It’s like those old Black Belt Theater movies: “Do not bring dishonor upon the Ancient Order of the Ninja!” No mentor wants to feel they wasted their time helping you. In the end, your goal and your mentor’s goals should be aligned: to make you awesome.
Get a second mentor. You see, mentors are like potato chips: you can’t have just one.
Remember what Harvard professor Deepak Malhotra tells his students is the most important part of a salary negotiation: they have to like you.
KNOW WHO YOU ARE
Why fight uphill? Just like knowing whether you’re a filtered or unfiltered leader can put you on the fast track, so does knowing whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert and making sure everything is aligned with that so you can best leverage your natural superpowers.
IN THE END, IT’S ALL ABOUT FRIENDSHIP
Please stop using the word “networking.” From mentors to coworkers, our brains don’t really process “contacts” very well. And that’s where things get slimy. However, we’re really good with “us” and “them”, “friend” and “enemy.” So think back to kindergarten and make friends. Almost all of the principles of influence are based around friendship. Using these techniques isn’t insincere if you’re actually trying to make a pal.
THE MOST SUCCESSFUL ARE ALWAYS GETTING AND GIVING
If you’re not always giving and getting you’ll never be making all the progress you could. Ask for help from those above you, share your Twinkies with those below you, and you shall go far, grasshopper.
YOUR NETWORK INFLUENCES YOU, LIKE IT OR NOT. MAKE SURE IT’S A GOOD ONE.
Over and over we’ve seen that the people around you affect you. They can make you happier, healthier, and more successful—or the opposite. Most of this influence is passive and gradual.
Gratitude is the tactical nuke of happiness and the cornerstone of long-lasting relationships.
Making time to feel gratitude for what you have undoes the “hedonic adaptation.” And what’s the best way to do this? Thank the people around you. Relationships are the key to happiness, and taking the time to say “thanks” renews that feeling of being blessed.
Kasparov didn’t understand why Deep Blue would move its rook, but he thought the machine must have had a good reason, and that made him feel he wasn’t in control. Without that control, he lost his confidence and ultimately the match.
Warren Buffett once said, “The CEO who misleads others in public may eventually mislead himself in private.”
Richard Tedlow, professor emeritus at Harvard Business School, had this to say: I have been teaching and writing about business history for four decades, and what is striking about the dozens of companies and CEOs I have studied is the large number of them who have made mistakes that could and should have been avoided, not just with the benefit of hindsight, but on the basis of information available to decision makers right then and there, in real time. These mistakes resulted from individuals denying reality.
Low self-confidence may turn you into a pessimist, but when pessimism teams-up with ambition it often produces outstanding performance. To be the very best at anything, you will need to be your harshest critic, and that is almost impossible when your starting point is high self-confidence.
We need optimism and confidence to keep going and convince others to join our cause, but negativity and pessimism help us see problems so we can make them better. Yes, the former feel much better, but both are necessary.
why does compassion succeed where self-esteem fails? Because self-esteem is always either delusional or contingent, neither of which lead to good things. To always feel like you’re awesome you need to either divorce yourself from reality or be on a treadmill of constantly proving your value. At some point you won’t measure up, which then craters your self-esteem. Not to mention relentlessly proving yourself is exhausting and unsettling. Self-compassion lets you see the facts and accept that you’re not perfect.
BELIEVING IN YOURSELF IS NICE. FORGIVING YOURSELF IS BETTER.
You want to keep learning but not feel bad about yourself. You need to avoid self-worth that is contingent on fantasy-based illusions or constantly proving yourself. So be self-compassionate. It’s got all the upsides of confidence without the downsides.
ADJUST FOR YOUR NATURAL LEVEL OF SELF-ESTEEM
Do you lack confidence? No problem. You’ll naturally learn faster than those know-it-alls and you’ll make more friends. Focus your efforts in quantifiable areas where competence can be accurately measured so you don’t have to sweat issues of perception.
ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE? EARN IT.
When you have a competitive mind-set you always risk underperforming and feeling like a loser. When challenged, focus on improving your skills—not doing well or looking good.
DON’T BE A FAKER
