How Should a Person Be?: A Novel from Life

by Sheila Heti

It belonged to her wealthy boyfriend. She was alone half the time—he often traveled. He was in the tech industry, and she once told me that he had Asperger’s syndrome. Then she reassured me that Silicon Valley boys aren’t so bad to sleep with because they’ve read all the manuals.

When he touched me, my cells bred like rabbits: more blood, more flesh. All of my self came alive to breed to meet him doubly, triply; my body multiplied to satisfy him.

I had hardly told Margaux a word about him, for she was made impatient by conversations about relationships or men.

I left the copy shop frustrated and upset. He was just another man who wanted to teach me something.

The waves were coming up onto the shore and pulling themselves back from the shore. I felt exhausted with how long the sea had been doing that for—always, without end.

It was not what I wanted, not what I had been picturing, but I adjusted myself to the reality of it.

Only if I never checked my email, then I would be safe. But I always checked my email, even when I tried not to.

As we were finishing our second drink, he said, “Should we go?” So we left. I couldn’t tell if I loved him or liked him or if I felt nothing at all.

maybe we can be honest and transparent and give away nothing.