This is easy to read in a book, but sometimes we say and do things that damage our partner. We forget about seeking understanding, and we give a 20-minute diatribe on why we’re right and they’re wrong. We get defensive, we criticize, we show contempt, and we turn away at the very moment we should be turning toward each other. We call these regrettable incidents—our nice term for a fight, and “master couples” know how to minimize the damage from words said in the heat of an argument. In John and Julie’s research they divided their couples into “masters” and “disasters.” Master couples stayed
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