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February 1 - July 21, 2022
And when conflict comes, as it inevitably does when we weave two lives together, it’s our commitment to being curious rather than correct that allows us to turn toward instead of away from one another in the moments of disagreement.
You can spend a lifetime being curious about the inner world of your partner, and being brave enough to share your own inner world, and never be done discovering all there is to know about each other.
And the big secret to creating a love that lasts and grows over time is simple. Make dedicated, nonnegotiable time for each other a priority, and never stop being curious about your partner.
Happy couples are not so very different from unhappy couples; they are simply able to make repairs to their relationship easier and faster so they can get back to the joy of being together.
He always showed up for me and he still always shows up for me and he notices when I need something, even sometimes before I consciously know what I need.
We need each other and we need to be needed by each other.
Conflict is necessary because we inevitably run into speed bumps in our ability to love one another, and when we hit one of these speed bumps we need to slow down and proceed with care.
Don’t avoid conflict. Avoiding conflict breeds emotional distance.
Often our identity, our purpose, and our self-worth can get tied into “what we do” and this compels us to work long hours.
Plain and simple—couples who play together, stay together.
The emotional essence of play is laughter.
The seeking system in animals is what drives a squirrel to sniff out a nut, or compels all animals to search their environment for the resources they need to survive. Humans also have a seeking system, and this system is about exploration and, ultimately, curiosity.
Adventure doesn’t have to happen on far-off mountaintops or at the risk of life and limb. At its core, it’s simply seeking what is new and different. It is anything that pushes you outside of your comfort zone, giving you that dopamine-induced thrill.
“The opposite of play is not work—it’s depression.”
Your happiness individually and as a couple doesn’t consist of not having bad experiences, it’s about constantly generating good experiences.
The goal isn’t to try to make the other person be like you. The goal is to learn from them and to benefit from the ways you’re different.
When you create meaning out of the struggles you face together, you stay together.
Dreaming together is one of the most profound acts you can do in a relationship with each other. And honoring your partner’s dreams is a potent way to express your care for someone, because it shows a profound love.
“What we’ve learned,” she says, “is that you can be in a relationship and each person can make all his or her dreams come true. But you can’t do it all at the same time. We’ve learned to take turns and we’ve learned to support each other no matter what.”
Your relationship is a great adventure. Treat it as such. Be curious. Be vulnerable. Be willing to venture outside your comfort zone. Learn to listen. Be brave enough to talk. Share your hopes, your fears, and your dreams.
