Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

by John M. Gottman

And when conflict comes, as it inevitably does when we weave two lives together, it’s our commitment to being curious rather than correct that allows us to turn toward instead of away from one another in the moments of disagreement. Whether you and your partner are talkative or quiet, the words that pass between you, as well as the expressions and gestures that accompany those words, will define and determine your relationship.

A true love story isn’t a fairy tale. It takes vulnerability and effort. The reward is that you love your partner more on your fiftieth anniversary than you did on your wedding night.

Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts. A lifetime of love is created every single day you are together.

Perfection is not the price of love. Practice is. We practice how to express our love and how to receive our partner’s love. Love is an action even more than a feeling. It requires intention and attention, a practice we call attunement.

Happily ever after simply means that both partners are known, valued, accepted for who they are and who they are becoming.

The words you choose matter. Your tone of voice matters. Even your facial expressions matter.

Happy couples are not so very different from unhappy couples; they are simply able to make repairs to their relationship easier and faster so they can get back to the joy of being together.