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I watch people change while I painstakingly stay the same
it really doesn’t matter if I lose a few pounds or 10 or 20 or 30 what is 30 pounds of ice off a glacier? when my mother says, “I think you’ve lost weight” I don’t let it feel like a compliment anymore because no matter what I lose I’ll never lose enough and if I lose enough I’ll have lost everything
no one will ever love me perhaps someone is capable but surely I’ll stop them before they ever get too close making my own misery is what I do best
it is my desire to hold your hand to cradle your cheek to stroke your hair to give you the world
I’m just trying to figure out how to remain soft in a world that only knows how to be hard
I hate feeling like I need to fling myself off of cliffs just to see if anyone will follow
words have always buried themselves in me so deep like knives I have always twisted them making beautiful things ugly changing hello to goodbye creating wounds out of nothing
it’s unfairly rare, and so goddamn difficult but sometimes I can stand to look at myself naked and think this is right this is the home I’ll never have to leave this is mine this body is a bloom, always shedding petals growing anew twining into foreign foliage retreating when conditions get too harsh I need to remind myself: I love you you beautiful thing your fragility has never compromised for the sharpness of your edges the possibility of you breaking has never diminished the beauty of all your pieces
the stardust on my fingertips is proof that I’ve been reaching for something better it means, one day, I’ll hold the stars whole
sometimes it hurts so bad that all I can think is “holy shit”
*asexual would the world know what to do with all the poems I could write about loving myself at night at 2 am with a hand on my breast and a hand having sex and a fever slicking it all with sweat would the world know what to do with an innocent* girl who loves her own moans so much so she may only ever gift them to herself
fat girls teach themselves all the names of the bones thin girls wear on the outside of their bodies some would do anything to wear their insides on their outsides if it made them a little easier on the eyes isn’t that beautiful?
