How to Be an Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration

by David Richo

DRAMA TRUE ANGER Scares the hearer Informs the hearer and creates attention in the hearer Is meant to silence the other Is meant to communicate with the other Masks the dashed expectation or fear of not being in control with a false sense of control Contains sadness or disappointment and these are acknowledged Blames the other for what one feels Takes responsibility for this feeling as one’s own Is a strategy that masks a demand that the other change Asks for change but allows the other to change or not Is violent, aggressive, out of control, derisive, punitive Is nonviolent, always in control and within safe limits Represses the true feeling Expresses an assertive response Occludes other feelings Coexists with other feelings Creates stress because one’s bruised, scared ego is impotently enraged Releases the aliveness in one’s true self Is held on to and endures as resentment Is brief and then let go of with a sense of closure Insists the other see how justified one is Needs no response Applying this distinction to the experience of rejection, notice the difference in reactions: Drama is a belligerent reaction to rejection that punishes by further distancing Anger is an intimate response to rejection that bridges the distance or allows it without long-held resentment Drama is based on indignation that one was not treated with the love and loyalty one unconsciously believes one is entitled to Anger is based on displeasure at what happened but with consciousness that this fe...