How to Be an Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration

by David Richo

When you give up your boundaries in a relationship you: When your boundaries are intact in a relationship you: 1. Are unclear about your preferences 1. Have clear preferences and act on them 2. Do not notice unhappiness since enduring is your concern 2. Recognize when you are happy/unhappy 3. Alter your behavior, plans, or opinions to fit the current moods or circumstances of another (live reactively) 3. Acknowledge moods and circumstances around you while remaining centered (live actively) 4. Do more and more for less and less 4. Do more when that gets results 5. Take as truth the most recent opinion you have heard 5. Trust your own intuition while being open to others’ opinions 6. Live hopefully while wishing and waiting 6. Live optimistically while co-working on change 7. Are satisfied if you are coping and surviving 7. Are only satisfied if you are thriving 8. Let the other’s minimal improvement maintain your stalemate 8. Are encouraged by sincere ongoing change for the better 9. Have few hobbies because you have no attention span for self-directed activity 9. Have excited interest in self-enhancing hobbies and projects 10. Make exceptions for this person for things you would not tolerate in anyone else and accept alibis 10. Have a personal standard that, albeit flexible, applies to everyone and ask for accountability 11. Are manipulated by flattery so that you lose objectivity 11. Appreciate feedback and can distinguish it from attempts to manipulate 12. Keep trying t...