He’s never done anything to me, but it’s like I’ve got post-traumatic pastor disorder. I’m so afraid of being diminished, talked down to, dismissed, patronized. Or of being looked up and down. I’m afraid that he’s going to fail me in some—not in some minor way, not a slip-up—but in a fundamental way that is harmful. I just get really sick to my stomach. I feel so much shame. And I’ve always felt that. Talking to men who are pastors in the past too, or any kind of church leader. It’s like I’m expecting to get slapped or something.
