I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman's Guide to a Meaningful Life

by John Kim

Boys get their definitions of manhood, strength, love, and self from watching other men—specifically, their dads. But we live in a fatherless nation.

men are more likely to suffer in silence and not seek treatment.

Men with depression are more likely to report fatigue, irritability, and loss of interest in work.

Webster’s defines “vulnerable” as “capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt.” And that’s exactly how most men see it. Which is why we hold up our shield. We don’t show ourselves through vulnerability and instead try to show ourselves in other ways: by fixing things, by paying our bills on time, by being the loudest one in the room.

But vulnerability isn’t just about talking about your feelings. It’s about showing your true self. For many of us, we don’t show ourselves until we have to. Until there’s something at stake. Until we lose something—a relationship, a marriage, a friendship, a business, and eventually ourselves. We get to a place where we have nowhere else to go.

Not showing vulnerability, not being transparent with the people in your life, creates a disconnect. You’re leaving the other person in the dark. You’re doing life around your partner instead of with your partner. He or she feels alone. You’re taking a crowbar to your relationship instead of producing glue, and you won’t be able to build anything healthy and sustaining.

Self-reflection. It means being aware of how your energy and actions affect others, and taking responsibility for them.

Only when we have accepted our imperfections can we be truly powerful.