Any Man

by Amber Tamblyn

“How can you go on living when you’re now being lived in? When you’ve been invaded?

Many times I have asked myself what I could’ve done to protect myself that night. I asked myself if I had deserved this. I convinced myself that I did, and it wasn’t hard to. I live in a country built on celebritizing its citizens’ grief and amplifying stories of violence and assault for political gain, click counts, or television ratings. Let me be emphatically clear: They. Don’t. Care. About. Us. People who live through sexual assault are a crash on the side of the road, and the American media is nothing more than cars slowing down just long enough to take a peek. Just long enough to take a picture before speeding off to their next fatality. We are a country that capitalizes on the fetishizing of felonies. A country that says “innocent until proven guilty,” even though the proving of assault is nearly impossible. Tell me how you prove coercion? How you prove the difference between being hit on and hunted? How you prove your arms were held down? Your body was touched? Your life was threatened if you ever told anyone? For people who have suffered violent sexual crimes, proof—the very act of proving—is more than just a burden. It is boundless bearing. An eternity of futility.

I am in a body. It is not the one I came here with, but it is the one I’ll leave here in. I will take care of it. It belongs to me now. My pain, I will take care of it. It belongs to me now. My heart, I will take care of it. It belongs to me now. My story, I will take care of it. It belongs to me now.

Can you have her? What if you can’t have her? How will you feel if you can’t have her? How will you behave if you can’t have her? What will you do if you can’t have her? What does it say about you that she can’t be had? Will you make her pay? Will there be consequences? Will there be a punishment? Will you let it slide? What if she’s ugly but you need to fuck? What if she smells but you need to fuck? What if she’s gay but you need to fuck? What if she changes her mind but you need to fuck? What if she’s a child but you need to fuck? What if she’s your child but you need to fuck? What if she’s in pain but you need to fuck? What if you’re married but you need to fuck? What if she lets people die? What if she likes war? What if she’s ungrateful and unkind about it? What if she asked for it? What if she runs for president? How would you feel if she did the same things to you?