because I was like a deranged animal, devoid of reason, hope, and light. I yelled and hurled things, not at Josh or the children, but at the heartless gods who would do this to me and, in the absence of those gods, at the painfully unjust cruelty that is an inherent part of the human existence. Why me? I demanded of the gods. Hadn’t I already borne my share of trials and tribulations? Hadn’t I already known enough suffering? Hadn’t I lived a good and moral life? The absence of any divine answer arising from the chaos of my thoughts made me even more crazed. Even the gods cower from me.
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