Happiness 101 (previously published as When Likes Aren't Enough): Simple Secrets to Smart Living & Well-Being

by Tim Bono

Often the hardest part of completing a challenging task is just getting started. Instead of thinking about how challenging the entire task will be, it’s far better to summon the motivation to take just the first step.

To overcome these temptations, use what we have learned from the science of willpower to your advantage: Clear out other tasks that might be vying for your willpower capacity (those other tasks are your radishes). When you aren’t pressed to use willpower, find opportunities to exercise it to keep it strong for the long term. When it’s in short supply, remind yourself why you chose to do this task and how it’s helping you achieve bigger goals. For your biggest projects, break them into small steps and take them one at a time. Let the sense of accomplishment you get from completing the first step snowball your motivation toward completing the others. Develop a specific plan for not only what you’re going to do, but also when and where you’re going to carry it out. Identify on the front end the barriers that could distract

This is the paradox of time: you might think that having more time is always better, but sometimes having less time is what serves us best of all. Tight deadlines prompt high-quality work, and limited time leads us to savor an experience more.

Spending time prosocially is more effective in relieving the pressure of time. When individuals feel time constrained, they should become more generous with their time—despite their inclination to be less so.”

Another way to make our time feel more plentiful is by cutting out the many hidden time drains that might be slowing us down.

check their e-mail only three times per day, keeping their in-boxes closed at all other times, with notifications and alerts turned off.

keeping your inbox closed more often may be one way to alleviate stress. Even if you can’t shut off e-mail for hours at a time, you might try it at least during those times when you are tackling your most important work.

Some people believe they can actually do two things at once,

But in reality, multitasking doesn’t actually exist. Our minds are capable of attending to only one piece of information at a time.

Breaks are important. Diversions keep us motivated. But be mindful of where you place them. If you are growing restless, do what you can to keep working until you reach the end of a section or another clear stopping point before you get up and walk around or scroll through social media. Otherwise, when you come back you’ll have to pay a switch cost, squandering time as you figure out where you were so you can keep going. And if something important does lure you away midstream, at least write down where you are leaving off and what your next step is, to minimize the time it takes to get back in the swing of things.

Before you begin anything requiring your full attention, turn off your phone, close your e-mail, and block out any other distractions that might lure you away from the task at hand—although it might feel more efficient to be able to complete other tasks as they come up, the added switch costs will accumulate, slowing down your overall progress.

When we are feeling upset or angry, there is often a temptation to bring others into our distress—either by yelling at the person who caused the problem, or by complaining to the first person we can find, text, or call who might offer sympathy over our misfortune. Each time we do this, we are doing the same thing as the participants who vented their anger by hitting a punching bag—we’re maintaining our anger by reliving it over and over. It’s not that we should never share our problems with others, but we have to be careful about the manner in which we do that.

Journaling is a way for me not only to validate my thoughts, but also to stop ruminating on the same things. It is a space for me to be completely honest about what I’m thinking and try to figure out why I’m thinking that.”

When something is bothering you, set a timer for fifteen minutes. Recount as much of the experience that led up to the emotion as you can from start to finish. Describe how you felt each step along the way. Use whatever format feels natural for you, whether e-mail, text, a note on a phone app, or good old-fashioned paper and pencil. You don’t have to send what you write or share it with anyone.

“Use your words” is good advice for all of us when we are feeling upset and having that inevitable bad day, week, or semester. Although blowing off steam by yelling, screaming, or throwing things may be tempting at first, those behaviors only prolong negativity. Putting pen to paper or talking things over with a trusted friend can help us gain insight into the experience, put it behind us, and get on with our lives. That’s far better for our well-being than suiting up in protective gear and smashing old TVs and office furniture. It’ll save you twenty-five dollars too.

In most cases money spent on life experiences like a concert or trip brings more happiness than the same amount of money spent on material goods like a laptop or new TV. Experiences outlast the time and space in which they occur by giving us something to look forward to, memories to relive, and stories to share in the future. Perhaps most importantly, experiences connect us to other people, strengthening our social ties, which is foundational to our happiness.

Here we find another benefit of life experiences: they strengthen social connection not only during the experience itself, but also when we invite others in by sharing the memories after the fact.

Some studies find that the happiness from anticipating an experience can be even greater than the happiness we get from the experience itself.

happiness we get from an experience comes from the novelty of being in a new environment.

Therefore, if you have the choice between one extravagant multiweek vacation or a handful of smaller trips throughout the year, go with the latter. You’ll have multiple experiences to look forward to, and multiple sets of memories to look back on.

people with thriving relationships are substantially less likely to contract disease than people whose relationships are marked by enduring patterns of chronic stress.

Cultivating relationships with others who share our interests and values is one of the most important behaviors for us to incorporate into our lives.

We adopt a different mindset when interacting with someone we believe to be a comrade rather than a future foe.

Studies confirm that helping others is another way to help ourselves.

When you are going to do something for someone else, make it a social experience. Remember, experiences make better gifts than material possessions because they present opportunities for social connection.

Go out for a run at the same time each day. Go to bed at the same time each night. Identify a particular time and space where you meditate. Create rituals around the time you spend with friends. It’s as easy as planning a weekly lunch date with a classmate or colleague and sticking to it. Or finding a TV series your friends all like and getting together each week to watch another episode. Those regular, ongoing forms of socialization take very little time and effort to plan or execute, but yield big payoffs in happiness.

Take time also to identify the environmental characteristics that might get in the way and develop contingency plans to address them. If you get tired midway through your run, then what will you do to regain motivation? If you find that you’ve gone two weeks without meditating, then what will you do to get back on track? If you find yourself obsessing over the perfect Instagram picture, then what will you do to put your phone down and savor the experience in real time?