“There’s this way in which seeing themselves desired is the ultimate turn-on for women,” Meana told me, “which suggests that female sexuality has a kind of wonderful autonomy that people miss all the time.” She said she had titled the paper she and her graduate student wrote on the topic “It’s Not You, It’s Me,” and we laughed at the play on a familiar apology reframed as an unapologetic declaration about what women want and need during sex: to see themselves as sexy and desired.
