In his experience, Kaupp told us, what we have to give ebbs and flows with our attachment security. The less attachment security we have to begin with, the less connected we feel to our love object, and the more threatened and threatening others seem. The more attachment security we have, the more we have to give not just to one but to potentially myriad others. And the more we can tolerate our loved ones doing the same. In this rather startling reframing of non-monogamy, limiting ourselves to dyadic sexuality and romance is restrictive, stemming more from anxiety than from a moral or even
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