Cryptonomicon

by Neal Stephenson

“Huh,” Shaftoe says, “how does that square with your being a celibate monk or priest or whatever the fuck you supposedly are?” Root says, “I’m supposed to be celibate—” “But you’re not,” Shaftoe reminds him. “But God’s forgiveness is infinite,” Root fires back, winning the point. “So, as I was saying, I’m supposed to be celibate—but that doesn’t mean I can’t get married. As long as I don’t consummate the marriage.” “But if you don’t consummate it, it doesn’t count!” “But the only person, besides me, who will know that we didn’t consummate it, is Julieta.” “God will know,” Shaftoe says. “God doesn’t issue passports,” Root says. “What about the church? They’ll kick you out.” “Maybe I deserve to be kicked out.” “So let me get this straight,” Shaftoe says, “when you really were fucking Julieta, you said you weren’t and so you were able to remain a priest. Now you’re going to marry her and not fuck her and say that you are.” “If you’re trying to say that my relationship with the Church is very complicated, I already knew that, Bobby.”