Starfish

by Akemi Dawn Bowman

Someday I’d like to feel comfortable enough around people to actually say the things I want to say. I’d like to look around and not feel like I’m the outsider.

We’re products of two parents who aren’t around—one physically, one emotionally. There’s not enough attention for all three of us—there’s not enough love to go around. We nurtured ourselves, by ourselves, and protected our hearts even from one another.

this book....

She’s making this about her so she doesn’t have to listen to me.

When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a fat girl. But after five minutes of pinching my skin and studying every angle in the reflection, I see the fattest person in the world.

I guess there’s a weird part of my inner child that just can’t seem to let go of the idea of a mother who cares.

All she wants to talk about is herself.

But the kind of love I need isn’t the kind I have. I guess I’m still trying to find a way to be okay with that.

I’ve mourned the loss of the mother I imagined could exist. I accept the one I have will never be the one I need.