Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood

by Lisa Damour

“There are few situations in life which are more difficult to cope with than an adolescent son or daughter during the attempt to liberate themselves.”

I cannot recommend this book enough.

I can’t overstate the significance of a teenager’s pack membership. Teenagers aren’t just looking to make friends, they are replacing the family they’ve withdrawn from (or, at least, might barely acknowledge in public) with a pack that they can feel proud to call their own. Failing this, they are left with the stomach-turning options of returning to the bosom of their family or navigating the world alone.

Here’s the bottom line: what your daughter broadcasts matches what she actually experiences. Really, it’s just that intense, so take her feelings seriously, regardless of how overblown they might seem.

“Do you want my help with what you’re describing, or do you just need to vent?”