Knotted (Trails of Sin, #1)

by Pam Godwin

“Jake.” Her hands reach, gripping and pulling on my shoulders as she lifts on tiptoes. “No matter what, we stay together. Miles, months, cities, years…” Her breath strangles. “We’re bigger than anything that tries to come between us.”

Why is he doing this? She’ll be alone, more lost than ever. Her mental state’s already in shambles. How will she heal without the support and comfort of home? She won’t.

This is what death feels like. The shattering, unstoppable separation between life and the bleeding remains of the soul. There’s no countermeasure. No resuscitation. I’ve taken my last breath as Jake Holsten’s girl.

Now I have no one, nothing, and nowhere to go. I’m completely carved out.

There, I contemplate dying. Ending it all. I could hang myself, all alone, swinging by a rope around my neck. Wouldn’t that be symbolic? A tragedy that began and ended on a birthday with a passionately knotted rope. Then I think about being found that way. Being remembered as the girl who killed herself because she loved a boy. Because the boy didn’t love her back. Boo hoo. So sad. How fucking pathetic.

Everything rises to the surface. Everything I am. Everything I feel. Every hurt, weakness, and break inside me drains from the darkest depths of my being. The night in the ravine, the abuse in Chicago, the pain in Jake’s room—I let it all out, sobbing, trembling, screaming until my throat shreds, until a mess of snot and sweat covers my skin, until I’m utterly depleted.

I leave the girl who loved a boy with her whole heart.

I didn’t sexually or intimately touch Sara. I didn’t kiss her. Didn’t remove my boxers. I didn’t even get wood. I’m still a virgin, because I love Conor Cassidy.

“I’m not broken,” she whispers. “You don’t need me to fix you. You need me to sit with you in the sadness.”

I did what I did to protect her, all while trying to forget her.

Um

“When I was in Chicago, all three of you gave me the cold shoulder.” “We didn’t know about your dad,” Jarret whispers quietly, his voice tinged with pain. “But you knew something was going on here. Instead of telling me, you alienated me. Sheltered me. Made decisions about my life.”

“I’ll give you a few seconds to be single.” He bends his knees, putting his face in mine. “But don’t get used to it.”

Lips swollen and hair mussed, he gives me the full force of his eyes. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever kissed.”

It’s impossible to describe the bond we share. We’re too great for words. Too sacred. We’re a feeling that goes beyond starts and stops. We’re stronger than hellos and goodbyes and deeper than beginnings and ends.

“There’s medicine I can take for the anxiety. That would be better.” “Medication is addictive and unnecessary. Lift your arms.”

Ooh dont like that

“You said something to me in the barn.” I feather my fingers along the rigid shape of him through the cotton. “Do you remember? You pressed your lips—” “Against your cheek. I wanted you to feel my voice when I said, I love you. I belong to you. No matter the time or distance, I’m yours.

“That was… Jesus, Conor.” He half-groans, half-laughs against my neck. “And we’re only getting started. I fucking love you.”

“It’s an incentive trust, which isn’t uncommon. My guess is she thought if you cared about the land, you would live here and work for it. College was the exception, as long as the ranch was your permanent address.”

The fact that he’s been with a lot of these women riles a toxic, gnawing ache in my gut.

gross. I hate this so much! If he was going to get her back why did he sleep with the whole town!!!

In every person’s life, there’s a point of no return. Honoring our teenage pact is that point for me. I weighed the risks. Pored over the plan. Considered every angle. There’s no way I can stop myself from seeing this through.

“You hurt my girl.” Jake pulls hard on the noose around Levi’s neck, his dark, rugged features cut with vengeance. “You stole something sacred from her. From me. And you thought you’d do it again?” He drives a brutal kick into Levi’s ribs. “We live and die by the choices we make. You made yours. I hope you relive that night from her perspective, over and over, while you burn in hell.”

She wasn’t thinking about sex when she offered those words. But I’m a guy, and my needs are simple.

gross