Knotted (Trails of Sin, #1)

by Pam Godwin

“I lost my virginity at a field party.” I wet my lips. “In a barn. It was dark and godawful loud. The rowdy crowd and music…” She claps a hand over her mouth, and a sheen of moisture shines in her eyes.

I couldn’t and wouldn’t fuck another woman. My virginity belonged to you and no one else.”

There are no words. None are needed. She cries and trembles, using my presence to let go and lean, while she mourns the heart I broke.

“I resent you for not telling me. I resent the years that came after. My relationship with Miles. Your…whatever with whoever has a vagina. That wasn’t meant to be.”

“I can’t stop picturing you with those women, and I’m sick to my soul with jealousy. I don’t know how to get over that. You were mine, dammit.”

Lips swollen and hair mussed, he gives me the full force of his eyes. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever kissed.”

Of all the men who have hurt me, his cruelty was the most damaging.

Then she writes one word. Death. That’s how I made her feel when I broke her heart.

I need you to not give up on me.” “I won’t. Never.”

“What else do you like? I know what turns you on when we kiss and when I used to…give you head. But when it comes to sex…” She nibbles on her lip. “We’ve only done it the one time, and it was dark and loud.” She coughs. “And quick.” “Yeah, it was fucking quick.” I give her thigh another nip. “I was an amped-up virgin with the most beautiful woman in the world on my cock.”

What else do you like? She’s asking about my turn-ons. Because it’s in her nature to please. Because she’s thinking about the future. Our future.

“I can’t lose you again.”

“Don’t leave me.” A crack rips through my chest. “You think that’s what I’m going to do?”

“The parts of you that overpower me,” she says, “are the same parts that are so soft and affectionate and tender. That’s the attraction. The appeal. I love that I can let my guard down and relinquish control to a man who fires up my ass and takes care of me at the same time. You might be pushy as all hell, but I know if I tell you to stop, you will. That means, when you spank me and bind my wrists, it’s one-hundred-percent my choice. There’s power in that.”

They’re not just her memories. They’re mine, too. I failed her that night. Under no circumstances can I fail her again.

“I want everything you’re holding in, no matter how ugly or painful. Every bruise, fracture, ache, tear, scratch, and torment. What’s yours is mine. Give it to me. Beat it into me. Do it!”

“You said something to me in the barn.” I feather my fingers along the rigid shape of him through the cotton. “Do you remember? You pressed your lips—” “Against your cheek. I wanted you to feel my voice when I said, I love you. I belong to you. No matter the time or distance, I’m yours.”

I fell in love with him when we were kids, before I understood the language of love. Tonight, I fall harder than ever before. With every kiss, glance, smile, and evocative word, he doesn’t just stitch my heart back together. He welds it to his own.

Am I glowing? I blink at the mirror, and my mouth wobbles. Definitely glowing. My eyes are bright, my cheeks flushed. I’m radiating happiness, and I feel it, from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. For the first time in six years, I feel like myself again.

I lean into him and brush our lips together. “Come home to me.” “Always.”

I can still see Lorne sitting against that log and strumming his guitar. He was here that night to watch over me, to support my relationship with Jake.

Neither of us have words. None are needed. Levi Tibbs stole six years from us. He’s not going to get another second.

The past is behind us, but I still mourn it. I mourn my relationship with Dalton. I mourn Lorne’s absence. Most of all, I mourn the six years I lost with Jake.

I’m the girl he wants, the one he loves, and he’s mine. “It’s just us,” I whisper. He kisses my neck. “That’s all we need.”

Legs tangled. Breaths melded. Hearts knotted together. Mine.

She’s love and fight, laughter and tears, challenge and ecstasy. She’s the best parts of my past come to life. Like a phantom dream. Except I know this is real.