More Than the Tattooed Mormon

by Al Carraway

My transformation came just from the act of doing and trying. With my flawed and mostly awkward efforts to live the way the gospel taught me, I found myself overcoming. I found myself conquering. I was overcoming and conquering things I never thought I would overcome and conquer. Things I thought I would be stuck with and struggle with for the rest of my life. Habits I had tried so many times previous to quit and couldn’t do it. Things that just made me “who I was.”

Getting baptized was also wild because there was still so much I didn’t know. Out of everything there is to know about this church, the only thing that I knew was that the Book of Mormon was true. And I didn’t even read it all the way through. I’m not even sure I got through more than a handful of chapters before I could just feel that how I felt within those few chapters made not only the whole book true but also the whole church. It wasn’t naïve of me. It might not have made logical sense, but the Spirit is not always logical; it’s spiritual—my number one rule when following a prompting.

Scriptures truly do heal a hurting heart and a wounded soul.

All I had were the simple things of the gospel, freshly taught to me by my elders. Sometimes all you have is Heavenly Father, but in everything, that’s all you really need. The gospel is not our last option: it’s our only option.

Despite my fear of not saying prayers “correctly,” I learned four powerful things: (1.) He hears every prayer, no matter how eloquently they are said. (2.) Nothing is too small or “insignificant” to talk to Him about. I have been really surprised with how quick God is to answer the smallest or silliest of things. (3.) Honesty in our prayers is crucial to receive the answers we need. (4.) Listen.

Specific prayers receive specific answers. Heavenly Father answers our prayers, and it is through Him that the right answers and knowledge come.

Ask God, not ...

Regardless of how we feel, tell Him everything. I have found that holding back in prayers not only prevents answers and full conversion but also prevents an intimate, trustworthy, and real relationship with our Father in Heaven.

in those moments when I couldn’t feel the Spirit, I would think back on the times that I had felt Him, and I held on to that with the little energy I had left.

no matter what happens, if we put God first, our trials and losses, our lonely times will be made up to us.

And it would be not just okay but better than what we ever had in mind—better

we will make it, and everything will be not just all right but better.

Hard times will consistently be there—that won’t change—but so will Christ. And with Him we are able to overcome and conquer absolutely everything—every feeling of loneliness, discomfort, weakness, sadness, and temptation. Do not let your trials dictate and alter your perception of truths and promises given. Hold on to what you know; it will be your anchor in the storms. He will never give up on you. Do not give up on Him.

Fear not. Forget not whose hands you’re in. You are not left alone or forgotten. You are not being punished. You are being led. You are being guided and directed. You are protected. You will make it. And it will be greater than you could even imagined. “Fear not, little children, for you are mine” (D&C 50:41).

couldn’t bear the thought of passing up any opportunity to share what I had with anyone I could. I became sick at the thought of people not having what I had, of people going through life without help, without guidance, without prayer, without God, without real happiness. Choosing God is choosing happiness.

But darkness cannot exist where there is light. Constant effort to increase your light is crucial after you receive a witness or answer of any kind to drive out that darkness. It’s crucial because darkness can be found everywhere and pops up and presents itself in the most unexpected ways. The one thing Heavenly Father and Satan have in common is that they both desire to have us.

But the truth is that our trials and our circumstances will never alter the unchanging truth that this is all real. That no matter who we are or what we’re going through, there is always a solution. It is and always will be Christ.

Comfort did come, but not until I lost my voice from yelling at God, until I couldn’t even speak anymore and no tears were left to cry, even though I wished there were. It wasn’t until then, when I closed my mouth and listened, that I received, that I heard what God had to say to me. The Spirit always speaks, but it is up to us to actually listen and not just listen for what we want to hear.

At the very moment Joseph was ready to sink into despair, at the very moment of great alarm, Christ came. Christ came before it was too late, at the perfect time. Just like when Peter was walking on water, Christ came and grabbed him and helped him before he fully sank. And so it is with us, and so it will be every time with Him. Christ is always there for us, and He will help and deliver us before it is ever too late.

Sacrifice is never a bad thing if we have a testimony.

While my red, puffy, heavy eyes were closed, I saw Christ standing right in front of me, looking at me. And then, He smiled. He smiled at me. That was it. That was all I needed. I knew that no matter how hard things were, no matter how much I didn’t understand, I knew that He was happy with what I was doing. That it was right.

Faith is not something you just have; it’s something you constantly have to work toward. Faith is not a feeling; it’s a decision you have to make every day, sometimes several times a day, in each situation. And I already chose who I wanted to follow, didn’t I?

Regardless of our circumstances, we get to decide how our day should be today. Decide how to react. Decide to be happy and positive today. Decide to look for the good. Decide to listen and follow God.

Don’t let anything or anyone stand in the way of following the Spirit, of following Him, of doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Nothing is worth giving up your forever happiness.

I have met a lot of incredible people, mostly people struggling, but I found beauty and strength in them, although they did not feel strong. I was changed and humbled and am better because of them and their efforts.

I used to say that sacrifice is never a bad thing if we have a testimony. But really, something cannot be a sacrifice if we are getting more in return. You may not have gone where you had in mind, but you will end up where you need to be, with better blessings.

“The most important principle of this gospel,” he said, “is that people can change.”

Spiritual idleness is spiritual suicide.

I received a priesthood blessing once that said, “You are clean in front of God. When He sees you, He does not see your past or what’s on your body. And He personally weeps with you when you don’t see that in yourself.”

Because of Christ. Whatever you have done—whether you knew it was wrong or not, whether physically visible or not—you can move past it. Everyone can be forgiven. You can always be forgiven, because of Christ.

You can do it, and your Lord will not let you do it on our own. If all you know is that you need to change but aren’t sure what or how, know that you can ask Him. Ask Him who He wants you to be and to show you what to do next and how to do it. Just get started. Make efforts every day. Set goals. Say prayers. Work hard. God will never look at you like you’re a waste of time.

No matter how far you are from where you should be, those steps you take closer to that point will be the most important and the most rewarding.

If you want a new tomorrow, then make new choices today. Don’t wish for it; work for it.

Turn to Him for help and forgiveness, and when you receive it, make sure you forgive yourself as quickly as God forgives you. Forgive yourself and move on. God has.

Believe in yourself and believe in God. You are always worthy of your God’s love and help.

Today, comfort, answers, strength, happiness, a chance to change, and a chance to become better are available. So smile! And smile tomorrow too. Because today, tomorrow, and every day after that, we have all that we need available to us because of Christ.

Force yourself to say a prayer no matter how frustrated you are.

Life is not about picking what we want to do and just asking for Heavenly Father’s help with it; it is about doing what He asks of us and receiving those blessings and help and comfort to follow through.

During trials it’s easy to allow passing time to dim the promises we’ve received from our Father in Heaven. Blessings and promises given to us never expire. We must never lose sight of who is helping and guiding us and embrace the unexpected and unplanned. Never let a change of course take away from the unchangeable truth that God is taking care of you. You will never be asked to do anything that would not be for the absolute best for you. “Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God? Know ye not that he hath all power?” (Mormon 5:23).

When I receive a priesthood blessing, I sit with a notepad and pen in my lap. When “Amen” is said, I’ll sit there and write down everything I remember. I started this back in 2010 and now have many years of counsel and blessings worded directly from my Father in Heaven for me specifically. This has proven to be one of my biggest treasures in my trials. How easy it is to let our clouds of trials block our sun. How easy it is to lose sight of what we need to be doing and what is waiting for us to receive. Oftentimes when things are really hard, I’ll lie on the floor, pull out this journal, and just read it to move the clouds that block the

Your situation is never too small or insignificant for a blessing.

The gospel is not there to prevent hard times from coming but to help strengthen and guide us when they do come.

Choose God, because once you choose God, anything is possible.

Relief doesn’t have to be postponed until a trial is over; it can come with a change of mind-set, a mind-set of hope, seeking, and noticing the small but significant blessings from God that witness He’s there.

A mind-set and realization that you’re still here, you’re still standing, and you are not broken.

Sometimes as I look back on old pictures or read old journal entries about my trials and confusion, I wish I could just yell to my younger self, “You’ll be all right! Your life turns out awesome!” But of course it turns out awesome, because that’s what God will always do for us.

joy comes now.

Don’t get confused or discouraged; take confidence knowing that spiritual things come directly from God, not man. The experience will be new but oh so exciting!

the best way to prepare for the temple is to strengthen your testimony.

The stronger your testimony is, the more ready you will be, and the more understanding and accepting and receptive you will be to the spiritual things of God. Simple as that.