Am I There Yet?: The Loop-de-loop, Zigzagging Journey to Adulthood

by Mari Andrew

They’d even call my drawings “relatable,” which made me realize that we’re all a lot less alone than we think we are.

After I had worked there only a few weeks, the days felt meaningless and unending—like I had signed my life away to this job.

“If you stumble,” she said, “that’s a great sign. It means you found your edge. You tried something that didn’t work, and now you know.”

There were so many times I felt like I was sitting around waiting. So many times I was meandering around with a heavy heart, mourning the loss of a happier season without any idea what would come next, and when.

For me, it's college life. My first job was autumn.

The frustrating thing about making a choice is that you never know what the alternative would have been like;

Throughout my early twenties, I had been so anxious about finding my purpose, as though it were buried treasure that would be waiting for me if I followed the clues and happened upon the right place to start digging. I looked around and saw other people my age who seemed to have found theirs, and tried to analyze their treasure maps: Will I find it in grad school? At a nine-to-five job? In another city? I thought that once my career clicked into place, my life would start making sense. I’d have a purpose.

What I love most about living isn’t accomplishing things, but experiencing them.

This is the bonus of a good date: you find things you love about yourself when you’re impressing someone else. Falling in love with someone else is a little bit about falling for yourself.

Acceptance is not a relief; it’s the realization that you will always carry grief with you.

People are so uncomfortable with the lack of a point to life that almost every religion has a belief in a higher plan for each person’s existence. Even people who eschew religion may instead put their faith in astrology or the universe, attempting to make sense of rejection as something that “wasn’t meant to be,” and something that paves the way for “something better to take its place.” It’s a comforting thought until you get tied up in the logic that the universe’s plan has failed plenty of people.

I’m thankful everything sweet is sweet because it is finite.

I quickly learned that choice is a luxury, and is largely responsible for pleasure. Half the enjoyment of putting on perfume is the decision to do so, and the decisions of which one, where, and how much.

I was enjoying my experiences so much that I temporarily let go of my quest for purpose and instead set out on a quest for the perfect crop top.

Focus on the present.

“Why wouldn’t I want to feel like that all the time?” is the question that began permeating every category of my life. Once I made a decision to make my apartment more colorful and therefore more “me,” I started making other seemingly small decisions that had a profound effect on my happiness: eliminating social events that felt like obligations, only doing exercise that didn’t feel like punishment, and playing around with my skin care routine so it felt more like a treat (than a chore) at the end of the day.

Spending money shouldn’t make you feel guilty; it should make you feel grateful.

Shopping should never be a chore; it should be a delight, acknowledged as a marvelous privilege.

If we don’t tumble over, we won’t know how far we were capable of going. When you don’t let yourself wobble around and fall on your head, you can only guess where your edge is, and it’s almost always farther than you think.

Show up with stories to tell. Your whole life prepares you for the big moments, so go in confidently knowing you have years of experience to your name. This goes for interviews, dates, or any important conversations. It’s ultimately about whether they’re a fit for you than you a fit for them, so be funny and self-assured and wear hot pink if you feel like it. Don’t hide the fact that your favorite sport is bocce ball and you’re currently binge-watching Golden Girls.

You may not always have the same friends or same relationship you have now, but you’ll always be with you.