Hate Notes

by Vi Keeland

“When God was making the mold for good-looking men, he asked one of his angels what else he should add to make a man more attractive in her eyes. The angel didn’t want to be disrespectful by using foul language, so she simply said, ‘Give him a big stick.’ Unfortunately, the added piece was put on backward, and now all good-looking men are born with a large stick up their tuchus.”

But you need to figure out how to love the life that you have, while you work on the life that you want.

You can only find true happiness within yourself, not inside of other people, no matter how much you care about them. Make yourself happy, and the rest will come. I promise.”

Dear Charlotte: Do you know why squirrels love you so much? Because you’re NUTS. Reed

“Darling as in my last name, with a big D not a little d, right? That’s okay, I like big Ds.” She did not just say that.

I bet you do, Charlotte. And in another life, maybe I’d give it to you.