First Man In: Leading from the Front

by Ant Middleton

That’s why, especially when we’re young, it’s crucial that we’re surrounded by people whose influence is going to be positive and who are interested in building up our strengths, rather than drowning us in our weaknesses.

This is why I always tell people, don’t try to better your life, don’t try to better your work, don’t try to better your relationships. Don’t try to be rich, happy, successful. Don’t do any of that. You’ll be wasting your time. It doesn’t work. Nothing will change, and you’ll get disillusioned and burned out. Instead, you should work at trying to better who you are as a character. Be the best version of you that you can imagine, and I guarantee that all the rest of it will just fall naturally into place.

Don’t let anyone else define who you are. People always make rapid judgements about what sort of person you are from their first impressions, and sometimes these first impressions will be negative. It’s so easy to take that on board and simply fall into the mould that other people put you in. Have the strength to realise what’s happening and ensure that you define yourself. Meet that negativity with positivity, every single time.

Always have a plan. And make sure that no part of that plan is ‘give up’. If I’d had to camp out for a week under a hedge outside Pirbright Camp and wash every day in a stream, then that’s what I would have done.

Keep that plan dynamic. Don’t be that stubborn leader who, for reasons of pride, refuses to change his plan when new information presents itself. You might think you’re asserting your leadership by sticking resolutely to your plan, but you’re undermining it. You...

Fear of taking action is fear of the unknown. True leaders don’t underestimate the potential destructive power of what lies behind that door, but neither do they let that stop them bursting through...

Make your enemy your energy. The fact of the matter is, becoming a leader often means creating enemies. It’s a fight to get to that top spot, and not everyone is going to be happy that you’ve beaten them. They’re going to turn their resentment into negativity that they’ll fire at you in an attempt to bring you down. You have a choice. Allow that negativity in, and let it obsess you and eventually poison you. Or turn it around. If you’re smart, these enemies become a gift – a battery that never runs out.

A lesson is a lesson. No matter how it comes to you, even if it’s in an apparently negative package, take that lesson as a positive. Of course I didn’t enjoy having to pour freezing water over my head over and over again that morning. And I was unhappy when I realised none of the lads had told me the correct procedure for filling the bottle. But I’ve never forgotten the lesson I was taught: attention to detail. If you get the small things wrong, big problems will find you.

These lessons never stop. If you’re paying attention, you’ll have a learning moment every day. Make a habit of spending two minutes before turning your lights out, every night, working out what the lesson of the day has been. Go to sleep with the satisfaction that, having now learned it, you’...

There’s always a route around your weakness. We all have things about us that we can’t change. A part of the reason I struggled at Pre-Para was the length of my legs. Rather than throw my hands up, which I very nearly did, I realised I could compensate in another area. We all have reasons to make excuses for...

Stand apart from the crowd. You’re a leader, not a follower. That’s especially hard to remember when you first join any group, whether it be a military squadron or a corporation. There’s an expectation, especially when you’re new, that you’ll ‘join in’ and become one of the gang. You need to hit that balance. If you completely separate yourself, you won’t win trust. But never forget – if you have your sights set at the top, you need to resist coming across as just another dog in the pack.

Crowds are egotistical. Every group you’ll ever belong to will tell themselves they’re the best. As a leader, you need to let that myth flourish, because it creates motivation. But you should also be constantly on guard not to believe it yourself. I’ve seen many leaders fail because arrogance breeds complacency.

Humility means being open to inspiration. Keeping yourself humble also means you’re able to identify exceptional people around you, who are better models of what you might one day be. I know that many of the lads in 9 Para would have dismissed the men from the Deuxième Rep as being boring and stuffy. In doing so, they’d hav...

Make friends with your demons. Having dark forces living within us is part of being human. They’re the result of the inevitable damage of life. Each one of us has a choice: make these demons work for us, or turn them loose against us.

Don’t feel bad for going the long way around. When we watch the movies we see people going through hell and coming out the other side a perfect hero. These are fairy tales. In real life we usually have to go through hell and go through hell and go through hell, and only then, if we’re lucky, do we learn our lessons – only to half-forget them again. This is nothing to be ashamed of. This is simply the rough and tumble of learning.

Most of us have horror stories we can tell about our childhoods. It’s not the horror that defines you, i...

Never be afraid to look for help in unlikely places. If I hadn’t asked my nan for that address, there’s a good chance I’d never have met up with my dad’s family. I thought the chances of her helping me were not much better than zero, but you never can tell what’s going on in someone else’s head. Before dismissing oth...

You don’t need to be a leader to lead. Very often in life you’ll find yourself in a situation in which the person officially in charge is not doing the greatest job. If you decide to take matters into your own hands, you need to do it cleverly. A certain skill for manipulation is often what’s called for. You need to get under that leader’s skin, win their trust and discover what they want. As long as they think they’re getting it, you’re free to steer the ship.

Never be too quick to write anyone off. Even though I sensed Ian Cressey would be able to handle the recovery of that body, the level of professionalism he brought to the situation still surprised me. Since then, I’ve always been extremely careful about being too hasty with my judgements of those who appear weak. There’s often steel inside them – they just need the opportunity to show it.

Do what you have to, even if people judge you for it. I know some of the lads probably found my attitude to letters and calls to my family harsh or unfeeling. But I had my reasons, and I wasn’t going to let their preconce...

Never allow the mistake to win. We all make them. It’s allowing that mistake to take you over that’s the real problem. When you make a mistake you should accept that it’s happened, push all the self-recriminations aside and calmly make a new plan.

Don’t be intimidated by all the people you have to beat to get to the top. It was a dizzying moment for me, in Sennybridge, when I saw the amount of bodies in that room, knowing that only a handful would pass. The numbers are irrelevant. The only thing that counts is you.

The smart people in the room aren’t the ones giving it out – they’re the ones taking it all in.

The war is always in your head. You can’t trust your body. It tells you it’s got nothing left when it’s still a hundred miles from breaking. And when it does actually break, it heals. The only true war you’ll ever fight is with your own mind.

Be aware that situations can completely transform in an instant. On that night in Chelmsford I thought I was being the good guy, helping prevent a silly situation turning ugly. I was so caught up in my role as the hero, it simply hadn’t occurred to me that I would end up being the villain. That transformation took seconds.

If it feels like ‘temptation’, it’s a bad decision. It’s easy to spot when a negative has presented itself to you – because you find yourself using the ‘T’ word. If you’re tempted, as I...

Don’t knock police officers out...

Waiting is a weapon. It’s human nature to want to steam straight in, especially for highly motivated people. It takes a stronger, smarter person to have the courage to wait. If it’s done as part of an overall plan, waiting can be a deadly and vastly underappreciated tool.

Shame hurts. By threatening to expose Hajjar to the world as a corrupt or, even worse, an incompetent operator, I squeezed directly on the thing that was most important to him – his reputation. This applies to most people, especially if they’re in any sort of position of power. If you publicly shame someone, you rip out their spine, their heart and their balls. That’s a hurt that’s often greater than any physical pain.

Wins are rarely clean. Life is complex, people are dangerous, and real fights usually cause damage to both sides. I was furious when I discovered that Khalida’s mother had been assaulted, but I also k...

Winning battles is often about timing. Yes, you should choose your battles, as the old adage goes, but you should also choose when to fight them. My battle against health and safety ruining the authenticity of the voyage was fought at the right moments, and that’s how I managed to win.

Give people a chance. Then give them another. Then give them another still. But if they refuse to learn, as Chris did, the only place for them is the gangplank.

Keep your doubts to yourself. Especially in times of pressure, the most important thing a team requires of its leader is certainty. Through a lot of the voyage I was a mess of doubts. I had to live with them and cope with them alone. If I’d shown any cracks, I’d h...

Don’t lose sleep if people don’t respect you straight away. And don’t take it personally. It’s human nature. I guarantee that life will offer you the opportunity to prove why you’re...