First Man In: Leading from the Front

by Ant Middleton

That’s why, especially when we’re young, it’s crucial that we’re surrounded by people whose influence is going to be positive and who are interested in building up our strengths, rather than drowning us in our weaknesses.

Humans don’t like being in the dark about things. We hate not knowing what’s behind the door. We like to be able to see the future, to put one foot in front of the other and walk through life steadily, carefully and predictably.

When you’re true to yourself you know that you’re a different person in different situations, and you’re totally relaxed about it.

This is why I always tell people, don’t try to better your life, don’t try to better your work, don’t try to better your relationships. Don’t try to be rich, happy, successful. Don’t do any of that. You’ll be wasting your time. It doesn’t work. Nothing will change, and you’ll get disillusioned and burned out. Instead, you should work at trying to better who you are as a character. Be the best version of you that you can imagine, and I guarantee that all the rest of it will just fall naturally into place.

Always have a plan.

Keep that plan dynamic.

Fear of taking action is fear of the unknown. True leaders don’t underestimate the potential destructive power of what lies behind that door, but neither do they let that stop them bursting through it, as long as it’s done carefully and intelligently.

Your enemy is fuel. He is energy. Hatred can be the most powerful motivator there is. In life you’ll always come across jealous and negative people, or people who simply don’t believe in you. Every single one of them is a Duracell battery. Plug them in. Give yourself that edge by using their own electricity against them. Success isn’t only the most satisfying form of revenge – it’s the only positive one there is.

Most people don’t understand hatred. The truth is we need it.

We have it for a reason. But it’s a dangerous tool that needs using with wisdom, strength and delicacy. You need the presence of mind to tap into it just enough that it serves you, but not so much that it twists you up and throws you into a dark place.

Pain isn’t telling you what to do. Pain is asking you a question. All you have to do is say no.

Make your enemy your energy.

There’s always a route around your weakness. We all have things about us that we can’t change. A part of the reason I struggled at Pre-Para was the length of my legs. Rather than throw my hands up, which I very nearly did, I realised I could compensate in another area. We all have reasons to make excuses for failure. Most people use them. Be the exceptional person – find the route around.

Stand apart from the crowd.

Crowds are egotistical.

Humility means being open to inspiration.

Leaders understand that their demons are an essential part of who they are. By befriending them you’re able to call on them when the time comes. Perhaps you’re an employer who has had to lay off a lot of staff for the good of the company. Perhaps you need to tell someone who’s struggling that they need to try harder. Perhaps you need to tell the person who’s leading you some respectful but honest truth. There’s no way of doing these things successfully without pushing down on your pedal and letting some darkness come out.

Make friends with your demons.

Don’t feel bad for going the long way around.

You don’t need to be a leader to lead.

It’s not the mistake that makes people fail, it’s the psychological effects of having made that mistake in the first place.

Never allow the mistake to win. We all make them. It’s allowing that mistake to take you over that’s the real problem. When you make a mistake you should accept that it’s happened, push all the self-recriminations aside and calmly make a new plan.

Don’t listen to the know-it-alls.

The war is always in your head. You can’t trust your body. It tells you it’s got nothing left when it’s still a hundred miles from breaking. And when it does actually break, it heals. The only true war you’ll ever fight is with your own mind.

Waiting is a weapon.

what makes a leader – nature or nurture? Are they born or are they made? The experiences of my life convince me that leaders are made. They’re moulded in the fire that naturally burns when impossible situations meet relentless individuals. If you tackle enough problems, and tackle them well, then you too will inevitably become a leader.

If positivity is the secret principle of success, then negativity is its opposite. Negativity is a poison, and I’ve known my fair share of people who’ve drunk deeply of that particular toxin. They’re the ones who accept all the credit and deflect all the blame. If they manage to become leaders – and sometimes they do – they usually fail.

You should stand in front of the mirror and be brutally honest with yourself.

rip yourself to bits. Look yourself in the eye and say, ‘What don’t I like about myself?’

Name the things you need to change about yourself. Look yourself in the eye and say them out loud, every single one. And don’t hold back. This is about brutal honesty.

This level of honesty frees you. It also bulletproofs you against the criticism of everyone you’ll ever meet.

Step two. Blame yourself.

Step three. Fix yourself.

Confidence will start to emanate from you like light from the sun, and it won’t be that horrible, chippy confidence that demands respect. It will be the true, positive, charismatic confidence that radiates from people who know themselves in all their glory and ugliness, and have accepted themselves as what they are.

If you fill your mind with hate, you’ll become a hateful person and you’ll therefore attract hate towards you.