First Man In: Leading from the Front

by Ant Middleton

That’s why, especially when we’re young, it’s crucial that we’re surrounded by people whose influence is going to be positive and who are interested in building up our strengths, rather than drowning us in our weaknesses. I know that now. I wish I’d known it then.

these bastards think I’m nothing. They think I’m some skinny, monobrowed, nice middle-class boy.

Humans don’t like being in the dark about things. We hate not knowing what’s behind the door. We like to be able to see the future, to put one foot in front of the other and walk through life steadily, carefully and predictably.

What was I doing? Trying to prove I was one of them by turning myself into someone I wasn’t?

When you’re true to yourself you know that you’re a different person in different situations, and you’re totally relaxed about it.

That’s what life’s journey is all about. It’s about taking who you are and making you a better version of yourself. It’s

This is why I always tell people, don’t try to better your life, don’t try to better your work, don’t try to better your relationships. Don’t try to be rich, happy, successful. Don’t do any of that. You’ll be wasting your time. It doesn’t work. Nothing will change, and you’ll get disillusioned and burned out. Instead, you should work at trying to better who you are as a character. Be the best version of you that you can imagine, and I guarantee that all the rest of it will just fall naturally into place.

The best response is to accept what they’re saying, but know it’s only a small part of the truth. Everyone has flaws. Just be up-front about them.

People don’t get annoyed so much when you struggle, but when you fake it, that’s when their walls come up.

Don’t let anyone else define who you are.

Have the strength to realise what’s happening and ensure that you define yourself. Meet that negativity with positivity, every single time.

Always have a plan.

Keep that plan dynamic.

Fear of taking action is fear of the unknown. True leaders don’t underestimate the potential destructive power of what lies behind that door, but neither do they let that stop them bursting through it, as long as it’s done carefully and intelligently.

Your enemy is fuel. He is energy. Hatred can be the most powerful motivator there is. In life you’ll always come across jealous and negative people, or people who simply don’t believe in you. Every single one of them is a Duracell battery. Plug them in. Give yourself that edge by using their own electricity against them. Success isn’t only the most satisfying form of revenge – it’s the only positive one there is.

I’ve learned that it’s useful to make your own body the enemy, to focus on what’s causing you grief and fire fury back at it. I’ll have a voice going around my head: ‘You fucking think you hurt, do you? I’ll fucking show you.’

I know I can get to a point where my mind and body are screaming, ‘Fucking stop!’ and I’ll reply, ‘Fucking stop, you cunt? Watch this.’ Pain isn’t telling you what to do. Pain is asking you a question. All you have to do is say no.

Make your enemy your energy.

If you’re smart, these enemies become a gift – a battery that never runs out.

There’s always a route around your weakness. We all have things about us that we can’t change. A part of the reason I struggled at Pre-Para was the length of my legs. Rather than throw my hands up, which I very nearly did, I realised I could compensate in another area. We all have reasons to make excuses for failure. Most people use them. Be the exceptional person – find the route around.

Stand apart from the crowd. You’re a leader, not a follower.

But never forget – if you have your sights set at the top, you need to resist coming across as just another dog in the pack.

Crowds are egotistical.

Humility means being open to inspiration.

MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOUR DEMONS

Sometimes it’s only by looking back that you can spot the moments when you made your biggest, most life-changing decisions.

‘Be a shepherd, not a fucking sheep.’

In order to have the edge and strength that a leader needs, you’ve got to make friends with them too. Lots of people deny their demons. They float through life believing that they’re lovely and gentle and wouldn’t harm a fly and, when they inevitably do harm that fly, they try to shift responsibility and blame other people. These men and women are not leaders. These are not the people you want guiding you out of that foxhole and through that storm of bullets.

By accessing the darkness that dwells within you, you can accept you made a mistake and move on with your life. You have to be able to not care. If you deny your demons, I’m telling you, they’ll take you down.

Make friends with your demons.

YOU DON’T NEED TO BE THE LEADER TO LEAD

Very often in life you’ll find yourself in a situation in which the person officially in charge is not doing the greatest job. If you decide to take matters into your own hands, you need to do it cleverly. A certain skill for manipulation is often what’s called for. You need to get under that leader’s skin, win their trust and discover what they want. As long as they think they’re getting it, you’re free to steer the ship.

Do what you have to, even if people judge you for it.

FAILURE ISN’T MAKING THE MISTAKE, IT’S ALLOWING THE MISTAKE TO WIN

They wanted to thin out the crowd. For them, every walker was another victory.

‘As long as you put one foot in front of the other, you’ll get there,’

It’s not the mistake that makes people fail, it’s the psychological effects of having made that mistake in the first place. We all like to think of ourselves as immune from making errors. But if we’re too much in denial of the fact that they’re inevitable, when the truth hits we’re panicked into believing all the worst things about ourselves.

Never allow the mistake to win. We all make them. It’s allowing that mistake to take you over that’s the real problem. When you make a mistake you should accept that it’s happened, push all the self-recriminations aside and calmly make a new plan.

Don’t be intimidated by all the people you have to beat to get to the top. It was a dizzying moment for me, in Sennybridge, when I saw the amount of bodies in that room, knowing that only a handful would pass. The numbers are irrelevant. The only thing that counts is you.

Don’t listen to the know-it-alls. You’ll always encounter people who are utterly convinced they know everything there is to know about the task ahead and want the world to know about it too. These are exactly the people you should be cautious of. The smart people in the...

THE WAR IS ALWAYS IN YOUR HEAD

The war is always in your head. You can’t trust your body. It tells you it’s got nothing left when it’s still a hundred miles from breaking. And when it does actually break, it heals. The only true war you’ll ever fight is with your own mind.

If it feels like ‘temptation’, it’s a bad decision.

Waiting is a weapon. It’s human nature to want to steam straight in, especially for highly motivated people. It takes a stronger, smarter person to have the courage to wait. If it’s done as part of an overall plan, waiting can be a deadly and vastly underappreciated tool.

If you publicly shame someone, you rip out their spine, their heart and their balls. That’s a hurt that’s often greater than any physical pain.

Wins are rarely clean. Life is complex, people are dangerous, and real fights usually cause damage to both sides. I was furious when I discovered that Khalida’s mother had been assaulted, but I also knew that there was nothing I could have done about it.

I’d flipped the bad feeling that had flooded me. That anger became fuel – the negative became positive; my enemy became my energy. ‘I’ll show him,’ I thought. ‘I’ll smash it. I’ve got to get this right.’

Keep your doubts to yourself. Especially in times of pressure, the most important thing a team requires of its leader is certainty.

Don’t lose sleep if people don’t respect you straight away. And don’t take it personally. It’s human nature. I guarantee that life will offer you the opportunity to prove why you’re the leader. And when it does, it’s all up to you.

‘This is actually happening. I’m in this moment, and it is a negative one. And if I think negatively in a negative situation, then this is only going to go one way.’