HEY, U UP? (For a Serious Relationship): How to Turn Your Booty Call into Your Emergency Contact

by Emily Axford

When you share a common interest, you can bypass the social vetting that a total stranger would endure and get straight to layin’ pipe and fallin’ in love.

You don’t want to be around someone whose unflinching self-control shines a light on your shithead lifestyle!

relationships live or die by empty gestures of respect.

You overcooked the hollandaise sauce? That’s your fault for trying to make hollandaise sauce with a hangover. Just use ketchup next time, you pretentious fucking foodie.