Dibs: In Search of Self

by Virginia M. Axline

It had been a rough hour for Dibs. His feelings had torn through him without mercy. The locked doors in Dibs’ young life had brought him intense suffering. Not the locked door of his room at home, but all the doors of acceptance that had been closed and locked against him, depriving him of the love, respect, and understanding he needed so desperately.

Talking had become an issue between the two of them and Dibs was an expert at withholding speech as a way of getting back at his critical father.

“When I want to be a baby, I can be. When I want to be grown-up, I can be. When I want to talk, I talk. When I want to be still, I be still. Isn’t that so?”

When a child is forced to prove himself as capable, results are often disastrous. A child needs love, acceptance, and understanding. He is devastated when confronted with rejection, doubts, and never-ending testing.

The pressure he had endured was enough to drive any child into a protective withdrawal. She had proved to herself that Dibs could learn the tasks she set before him. But she had felt the absence of a close relationship with her son. This kind of exploitation of the child’s ability, to the exclusion of a balanced emotional life, could destroy him.

Dibs was deeply involved in his search for a self. One thing at a time and confidence in the inner resources of this child were imperative.

His search for self was a tedious, troubled experience that brought him increasing

awareness of his feelings and attitudes and relationships with those around him. There were no doubt many feelings that Dibs had not dug out of his past and flung out in his play to know and understand and control better. I hoped that he would find experiences in the playroom that would help him know and feel the emotions within him in such a way that any hatred and fear he might have within him would be brought out in the open and diminished.

Dibs had come to terms with himself. In his symbolic play he had poured out his hurt, bruised feelings, and had emerged with feelings of strength and security. He had gone in search of a self that he could claim with proud identity. Now he was beginning to build a concept of self that was more in harmony with the capacities within him. He was achieving personal integration.

We are all personalities that grow and develop as a result of all our experiences, relationships, thoughts, and emotions. We are the sum total of all the parts that go into the making of a life.

As I said I wanted it. As you said you wanted it. As we said we wanted it.

A chance to feel worth while. A chance to be a person wanted, respected, accepted as a human being worthy of dignity.”