Ethic

by Ashley Antoinette

“Every time you see me, I need you to touch me. It just makes everything better,” she said, as she approached him.

“Stop. Stop asking for something that will destroy you. I’m not the man you think I am. I’m the one you should run from, not toward. Just leave it alone,” he said, as he shook her slightly. His words stunned her to silence and she could see behind his intense stare that he believed what he was saying. He was warning her. She could read between the lines, but she had always been a stubborn girl. She would have to learn the lesson the hard way. She stood on her tip-toes and placed her hand on the side of his face, the imperfect side, touching him so tenderly that it felt like she was touching his soul.

“Fuck me. Not slow, not nice, not gentle. Fuck me hard, Ethic. I want to feel every inch of you. I’ve been empty for so long. Fill me up,” she whispered, looking him directly in the eyes, as she reached down and grabbed his length.

She knew he would be good, but to be this damn good was a motherfucking sin. She would have to try hard not to feel entitled to this man. He was the type of lover who made bitches go crazy.

She was old fashioned and had never dared to venture outside of anything missionary. She was a pretty bitch, so she could be boring. A man had never made her want to try too hard, but for this type of dick, she would pop her pussy on a handstand if it meant she could have it forever. She was a control freak and didn’t like anyone else manipulating her body. She liked to say when, where, and how; but with Ethic, she felt safe. With Ethic, she felt lucky, and she was in it to please, instead of to receive. Her body tensed, as she anticipated pain.

Alani was on one tiptoe, he was fucking her so good. She just knew she would die if this ended too soon. This raw, passionate, animalistic sex, was unlike anything she had ever experienced, and she felt Ethic pouring all his doubt into her, as they did what men and women were meant to do. Her breasts bounced, and she clawed at the wall, as sweat covered every inch of her body. She had never gotten this nasty for a man, and suddenly, she just wanted to taste him. “Agh!” she cried, as she rained down over him.

“I just want to explore whatever this is. I’ve never met anyone that I was willing to change for, but you make me feel differently. I want to be what you like. I want you to want to stay, so if I’m ever doing anything to make you feel like you don’t want to explore this with me, just tell me and I’ll change it. I just really don’t want you to leave; and if it’s not like that, just tell me now. We can leave it right here, right now, as is…just one night.”

“Promise me that you won’t run when you discover the worst parts of me, Alani.” “I promise,” she said, without hesitation.

A man without a woman was half of a man, emotionally stunted, and overcompensating in every area of his life to make up for what he lacked in companionship. A king could not reign without a queen to keep him strong. If man was the walls of a house, holding everything up, bearing the weight of all that inhabited it, his woman was the foundation. You could tear down walls, but a foundation was rock solid.

“There will be a day when you question if this was real,” he said. “It is. It always has been, and it always will be. No matter how flawed it becomes, or how wrong it is, or how much it ends up hurting.”

“I love you so fucking much, Lenika. I waited so long to love you…so long for God to reveal why I experienced so much loss. It was because when I met you, I needed to appreciate the gift of you. I’m so sorry, Lenika.”

“It was me,” he whispered. “I’m responsible for killing your daughter and your brother.”

Nannie always told her that the devil didn’t come in the form of the boogie man. He comes in the form of everything you ever wanted. Alani was looking at the devil in human form. This man that she had fallen in love with, this beautiful soul that had come into her life and planted love when sadness had ruined her soil, was the one behind her pain to begin with.

“I swear to God I will spend the rest of my life loving this pain away. This is as bad as it will ever get.”

“Stay the hell away from me.”

The pride-filled, strong, honorable man she had come to know, stood before her half of himself. He was sorry. After all the lies, that much was true, but Alani wasn’t a forgiving woman. She felt no sympathy for his guilt. She hoped it tortured him.

reach. “I need you to leave me alone,” Alani cried. “Please, Ethic. I swear to God, if you don’t, I’m going to do something crazy. I want to hurt you. I want you to pay, and the only way to make you pay is to feel the loss of me. You have to stay away from me, because if you can’t, I will take myself away - permanently…from everything. You can either mourn losing me or mourn my death, because at this point, I’m willing to die to make this pain go away.”

Raven had been an introduction to the idea of a woman’s love. YaYa, his second, had been a reminder of how good it could feel. Alani had been affirmation that God had molded a specific help mate for him.

With a heavy heart and bleeding soul, he walked back to his car; but before he pulled away, he prayed, God, please fill her with forgiveness. Even if I have to live through the hell of her resentment, just bring her back to me.