The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters

by Priya Parker

committing to a bold, sharp purpose.

When you skip asking yourself what the purpose of your birthday party is in this specific year, for where you are at this present moment in your life, for example, you forsake an opportunity for your gathering to be a source of growth,

When people come together without any thought to their purpose, they create gatherings about nothing.

Specificity is a crucial ingredient. The more focused and particular a gathering is, the more narrowly it frames itself and the more passion it arouses.

Uniqueness is another ingredient. How is this meeting or dinner or conference unique among the other meetings, dinners, and conferences you will host this year?

Meeteor to help companies meet better.

hijacked in the name of politeness.

Who threatens the purpose?

With certain types of gatherings, over-including can keep connections shallow

If you want a lively but inclusive conversation as a core part of your gathering, eight to twelve people is the number you should consider.

150, also matches the number of stable friendships that the anthropologist Robin Dunbar says humans can maintain, which has come to be called Dunbar’s number.

The design of social space, physical space, and emotional space affects how people engage with ideas, content, and each other.

Displacement is simply about breaking people out of their habits.

“make sure the energy isn’t leaking out.”

generous authority

You may need to protect your guests from one another, or from boredom, or from the addictive technologies that lurk in our pockets,

send a thank-you note (promptly and by including a specific detail of appreciation),

quit starting with logistics.

“the emotional capacity of the leader (values, courage, self-awareness, authenticity)” as well as “the extent and depth of their social relationships and networks.”

to get people to turn off their networking engines and elevator pitches and get them to connect—humanly, authentically.

How do you allow for weakness and doubt in people who normally exude certainty and confidence?

term “stump speech” evokes the strongest, most durable part of the tree, the part that is firmly in the ground, the sprout is, by contrast, the newest and weakest part of the tree.

“How are you?” we answered with smiling, and often false, positivity, falling into the terrible habits of politicians on the campaign trail: Never voice the truth; always be sparklingly upbeat.

run on a cult of positivity.

Jungian term that identifies that we all have shadow material (aggression, violence, nonconsensual fantasies, etc.).

help your guests be more real, you need to be real yourself.

controversy—of the right kind, and in the hands of a good host—can add both energy and life to your gatherings as well as be clarifying.

well-meaning desire not to offend that devolves into a habit of saying nothing that matters.

What do you need to feel safe here? What do you need from this group to be willing to take a risk in this conversation today?

Ending well is a crucial way to cement the feelings and ideas you want your guests to take with them.