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Actually, I’d say that I’m making a concerted effort that’s destroying me while you keep lying, and by lying you make clear that you no longer have any respect for me, that you’re rejecting me.
Nevertheless you say you want to maintain a relationship. Fine, I don’t object, the key is that you explain how.
Regretting the past is stupid, just as it’s stupid to keep running after new beginnings.
You’ll go on like this forever, you’ll never be what you want, just what happens by chance.