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The tattoo had had very strong opinions about her rescue of the other night.
This way, it sounds like she rescued the night. It feels like omitting the “of” would be better.
“I find such things…disturbing. They seem to contradict the natural order. At least with mules, one knows where one stands.” “Usually in mule droppings.” “Well, yes. Still.”
I would know you anywhere. I would recognize you at the bottom of a mineshaft on a moonless light, if I were deaf and blind.
“Damn. No one ever tells me I’ve got a tidy mind.” “It’s tidier than mine,” said Brenner. “Yes, but yours is full of spiders.” The assassin looked absurdly flattered by this.
“Nothing. Allergies. Slate twitched a veil into place. “Well, I’m glad you and this Magnus person are getting along.
Missing a closing quotation mark
“Seven years ago, I could have just walked up to Blind Molly and said, “Okay, give me the dirt,” but times change.”
Typically, nested quotes don’t both use the same style, I.e. “Outer quote ‘inner quote’”
Caliban would have laid down his life for Slate, probably with a sense of relief, but a man’s socks…that was asking a lot.
Maybe she’ll meet Stephen and he can knit her a pair specifically up to just this sort of task 😂
“Do you think I don’t know how to act around thieves and ruffians?” “The fact that you even use a word like ‘ruffians’ is not filling me with confidence, no.”
Caliban had always believed that he had been in some very shady establishments, particularly for a Knight-Champion. Even paladins go slumming occasionally.
I think it’d sound better without the “always.” He certainly didn’t believe so before his first foray into a bar, for starters. I also doubt he would reflect often on how shady the bars he’d been to were. The word “always” doesn’t add anything meaningful to what’s being conveyed, and is arguably false anyway.
The figure inside was slumped, unconscious, or dead.
How interesting, a case where an Oxford comma makes things MORE confusing to me. I would think that the figure was slumped regardless of the reason, which could be either unconsciousness or death. If that’s the correct interpretation, then that comma should have been omitted. As it stands, it’s instead saying that the body is in one of three possible states: slumped OR unconscious OR dead.
I think I may be half in love with her, and I still wouldn’t call her beautiful. And it doesn’t seem to matter at all.
“Prayer is for the one who prays. It would be a monstrous arrogance to think that my prayers might sway the heart of a god.”
Brenner started to saying something
Another typo: “started to say something”
And if it were Brenner going, not me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
Yeah, because he’s an assassin and can take care of himself 🙄 Slate seems determined to see Caliban as sexist.
“Unless you got a siege engine you’re not using,
I think it’d sound better with “a siege engine layin’ around” or something to that effect. Saying one “You’re not using” is a little unclear, since the goal would be to use it if it were available.
I know, I’m bring nitpicky. I’m also stubborn and refuse to stop 😅 I wonder if T. Kingfisher or someone associated with her would be grateful for the feedback or annoyed 🫠
If you desired power or knowledge or any one of a hundred complex desires,
Probably better to use a synonym to avoid repeating “desire”
“Politics,” she said. “It doesn’t make any sense. People do the stupidest shit and you want to scream that it’s against their own interests and you never know if they’re playing some deep game you don’t know about or if they’re really just that stupid. Right now, I think we’re having a war because we’ve already got a war, so we might as well keep it.”
Caliban saw Chadori tribesmen (who were presumably genuine, unlike Slate) dark-skinned soldiers and merchant princes, great red-haired barbarians…every
Needs a comma after the closing parenthesis to separate the Chadori tribesmen from other peoples in the list.
Her mind wandered after awhile,
Technically, in this case, it should be “a while” instead of “awhile.” https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/awhile-usage
Any which of might be critical.
Any of which
She had push the door open with her foot.
She had TO push…
“We’re living with decisions made by people so long dead we can’t even piss on their bones.”
Sooner or later he’ll call it on in.”
He’ll call in on it? Call it in? Not sure if I’m just not familiar with this phrase.
“When gnoles knows, gnoles come, big man,”
“When gnoles know” would sound better, but maybe this is consistent with their grammar?
The very last kind, the pride that where all you had left was that you did not wish a crowd to see you break?
Hmm, I think it flows better without the “that”: “…the pride where all you had left…”
We’re not all tragic heroes. Some of us are just tragic.
They were under orders to wait, and were simply letting her stew in her own imagination while they did. “Joke’s on you, you bastards,” she muttered. “I’m an accountant. I don’t have an imagination.”
That shot told.
??? I actually cannot guess what this phrase is supposed to mean. (In context, Caliban just kissed Slate. I don’t know what “shot” this refers to.)
She hoped he could read the apology there, for more there merely whacking him over the head.
“… for more THAN merely…”
She twitched again. Memories of the crow cage? Something worse? “It’s just a dream,” he said in her ear. “I’ve got you.” And it worked. She sighed and the tension went out of her body. Caliban held her and thought, There is a person in this world who feels safe in my arms. It felt like grace.
Caliban cleared his throat. “I could rub that for you?” “See, now that wasn’t stupid. Say more things like that.” “I’ll do my best….my liege.” “Gahhh!”
I think what that means is that he isn’t offended because we’re...um…not able to tell when we’re offending someone. We can’t smell that they’re insulted. So the gnoles don’t take offense because…ah…we can’t be expected to know proper manners.” “You mean he thinks we’re not smart enough to know better,” said Caliban.
“It’s all right,” she said. “I won’t break.” Dear god, if Boss Horsehead didn’t break me, you certainly can’t… He set his lips next to her ear and whispered “I might.”
“You are beautiful,” he said again, into her palm, and she believed that he believed.
she wasn’t sure if Frederick had actually been a weighty individual or if any body thrown on top of her would be equally uncomfortable. Any body. Hah. I am hilarious.
Since she’s spelling it out, I think the first one should have been “anybody” instead so that there would be a chance to miss it before delivering the punch line.
“What do we do now?” she said. “Go home and tell the Dowager it was impossible?”
Hm. I wonder if perhaps the message they should relay is that it IS impossible. “It was impossible” = “There’s no way we could have done it.” “It is impossible” = “There’s no way anyone could have done it.”
He can’t lie with the voice. Damn, damn, damn. Caliban, you could just not say anything— “I’d rather die,” Caliban said, in the paladin’s voice. —or we’ll just go straight to the next idea.
She heard the hum of Brenner’s crossbow and chain crashed down behind her
Had to read this a couple of times because it doesn’t sound clear when parsed a particular way. Are there two separate actions being described, or is this describing two sounds as one thing takes place? “She heard the hum of Brenner’s crossbow, and the chain crashed down behind her” versus “She heard the hum of Brenner’s crossbow and the chain crashing down behind her.” Based on the following paragraph, I think the former was the intention.
You abandoned me! You let the demon take me and the temple break me! Why now? There was no answer to that. There never was. The morality of gods was not the morality of men. You dealt with it or you left the temple.
What filled Caliban was not power. Power was perhaps the least useful of gifts. It was grace. It struck him like a hammer, like a death blow, like falling in love. It filled places that had rung hollow and empty and wrapped him up and made him whole.
“I’m sorry. My order is wrong in this. I know that now. I will have to…have to do something…or…or…” He looked at Caliban. “I don’t know if I have your strength, Sir Caliban. To leave my order.” He looked so young and so guilty that Slate felt ancient by comparison. “You’re curing werkblight,” she said gently, “and writing a book about gnoles. You need your order for that. It’s all right to change them from the inside.” “I will,” he promised her. “I will.”
“Perhaps He had some reason. Perhaps His attention was simply elsewhere. I am only one man, after all. If gods were all-present and all-powerful, they would not need us to do their work for them.”
“Hot water’s different. It helps the cold. And it helps me think. Or stop thinking. These days, that’s mostly what I prefer.”
Did a kiss on the shoulder in the dark make up for not giving her an argument when she damn well wanted one?
“Love, huh?” she said. “Utterly. Profoundly. Would you like to send me off to kill a dragon or something to prove it, like in a ballad?” “What the hell would that prove?” “I suppose it would prove that I could kill a dragon. I’m not sure why that would be a good thing. They never cover that bit in ballads.”
“You’ve had a paladin for awhile, and I don’t think you’ve been terribly impressed.
Again, it should technically be “a while” instead here.
