Calypso

by David Sedaris

You hear this a lot in America, especially when you’re complaining about televisions, or loud music, or, more common still, television and loud music together in the same room. “People like it.” “Yes,” I always want to say, “but they’re the wrong people.”

there it was, the headline story on the New York Times site: “Supreme Court Ruling Makes Same-Sex Marriage a Right

I felt my eyes tear up, and as my vision blurred I considered all the people who had fought against this and thought, Take that, assholes.

My family, on the other hand, is always happy to hear about how horrible someone is. You could wake any of my sisters from a sound sleep, say, “You won’t believe what this asshole said to me once in 1979,” and have her full attention.

The villain at three in the afternoon might be the hero by sunset. It was all just storytelling.

“After I die, and you read something bad about yourself in my diary, do yourself a favor and keep reading,” I often say to Hugh. “I promise that on the next page you’ll find something

flattering. Or maybe the page ...