I knew I could not keep going in this direction. I was fucking killing myself. I knew that me banging my head against the wall over and over with all this anger was simply insane, and never going to get me good results. I knew bullshitting and lying about how I “was good” every time people asked was not sustainable. I knew that the pain and frustration were not going to help me accomplish anything. I knew if I kept going this way one night that gun was going to go off. So, I did the hardest thing I had ever done. I did the thing that an “alpha male,” such as myself, never does. I did the
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