Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath’s Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power

by Christiane Northrup

It never occurred to me that there are people who are actually predators—who prey on the agreeableness, trust, goodwill, openheartedness, and resourcefulness of others. I couldn’t imagine that there were people who are nearly devoid of empathy, compassion, caring, and the willingness or even capacity to change. But this is exactly what energy vampires are. They are chameleons who can be master manipulators, getting what they want from others without giving anything in return.

This is actually the case for so many people who form relationships with energy vampires. We don’t even know that we’re dealing with one of these masters of Darkness until we become physically ill, lose our friends, our jobs, our incomes, our fertile years, and eventually even our self-esteem and dignity.

As an empath, you have special gifts that bring light to the world. Your compassion and empathy are healing salves for the people around you and the planet itself. You were not put on earth to be the energy source of a vampire. You are here to bring your light to the world.

This desire to not rock the boat is something that empaths carry with them throughout their lives. They say yes when they want to say no, simply because they don’t want to experience the negative energy of the people around them. They take on extra work so other people won’t get overwhelmed. They listen to the woes of their friends and family members, offering up suggestions and help. They sacrifice their own well-being for the good of the people around them. Because it’s all about the energy.

As children, some empaths don’t just display this sensitivity; they also have the ability to see into other dimensions. They see angels, or spirit guides, or other imaginary friends who are not imaginary at all. Often young empaths will make statements about a person’s true nature—a nature that isn’t obvious to the people around them.

Many empaths learn how to override their sensitivity and shut down their intuitive knowing. Some even turn to drugs and alcohol to numb their perceptions.

The other form of hiding that empaths do is more physical. Highly sensitive people tend to avoid crowds. (Think rock concerts or New Year’s Eve in Times Square. Or a casino in Las Vegas.) The energy is simply too intense.

I have other empathic friends with whom our calls get dropped repeatedly.

Many empathic people are also extremely

sensitive to smells. They can’t tolerate scents that are made from artificial chemical ingredients, though naturally occurring scents like lilacs are just fine.

When we are shamed as children for being who we really are, we begin to doubt ourselves. We internalize the belief that something is inherently wrong with us. And this leads to self-punishment, self-blame, and even self-hatred. If you grew up in a household that rewarded you only for doing what they wanted you to do—and shamed you for what you were naturally drawn to—you may have grown up with a lot of self-doubt. And not much self-trust.

As an empath, you are here to transform not only the wounds from your lifetime but also the legacy of pain. You are here to end the pain.

When a relationship works for mutual benefit—whether that’s creating a home, a family, a business, or being of service to those in need—an alchemical magic happens. The unbridled healing energy of two or more people working in harmony for good creates a third energy that is greater than what each person could do individually. This is the quantum healing energy that Jesus was talking about when he said, “Whenever two or more of you are gathered in my name, there will I be also.”

all empaths are seen as prey, but it is the old-soul empath who often becomes embroiled in long-term relationships with a vampire because we tend to believe the best about everyone, assuming they are like us. We simply can’t see the red flags that other people often pick up on. So, we idealize people and relationships in ways that aren’t realistic or healthy.

So many empaths have an unhealed inner child who has been trying to win love through service and sacrifice for most of our lives that we tend to take on too much responsibility for the health of a relationship.

These negative people may not be conscious of their impact on others. Here’s how you can tell. You’re with a Debbie Downer friend, and you find a caring and compassionate way to tell her that her energy is bringing you down. And it’s a regular pattern that bothers you. Her response will tell you everything you need to know. If she’s mortified, owns this critique, and is willing to admit that your point of view is valid, you’re not dealing with a vampire. But if she starts to cry and run for the victim role—or gets angry and tells you what’s wrong with you, you have your diagnosis. A normal person will own their own stuff and work to fix it. They will not make you wrong for sharing your truth. In fact, doing so will make the relationship stronger. People of good will have the ability to experience true remorse and the desire to change—just like you. Vampires don’t.

But over time, we find that they are not there for us. And very often they don’t even follow our advice. And nothing changes. They just wanted a hit of our energy, or a voice on the other end of the line telling them what they already know. Or else they want us to do something for them. Those who call and never change very often

have a lot of drama in their lives. They feed off it. And create it. That’s why, at first glance, they are so exciting to be around.

We make the mistake of thinking that energy vampires are as sensitive as we are. We don’t want to risk hurting their feelings, so in order to protect them and their feelings—and because we’re so darn good at solving problems in all the other areas of our lives—we keep giving them our energy and draining ourselves rather than risk standing up to them, standing up for ourselves, and owning how angry, hurt, and disappointed we really feel. And then ending the relationship.