Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath’s Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power

by Christiane Northrup

They sacrifice their own well-being for the good of the people around them. Because it’s all about the energy.

while girls turn their shame inward, often creating depression, eating disorders, or perfectionism.

archetypal wounds: shame, abandonment, and betrayal.

Tribes the world over use these wounds to keep their members “in line.”

We internalize the belief that something is inherently wrong with us. And this leads to self-punishment, self-blame, and even self-hatred.

When a relationship works for mutual benefit—whether that’s creating a home, a family, a business, or being of service to those in need—an alchemical magic happens. The unbridled healing energy of two or more people working in harmony for good creates a third energy that is greater than what each person could do individually. This is the quantum healing energy

Jesus was talking about when he said, “Whenever two or more of you are gathered in my name, there will I be also.”

Vampires make a beeline for the wound—and then love-bomb the empath with precisely the kind of attention and recognition they have been longing to experience since birth . . . and maybe even for lifetimes.

Because the vampire is often so adroit at initially supporting you in your efforts to heal, you begin to trust them and their judgment. You feel as though you’ve finally found someone who gets you, wounds and all. You relax and let your guard down, and perhaps you let them into your life deeper than you’ve allowed anyone else. Their hooks are now in you.

with all the attention and energy going to them, not you.

They genuinely don’t think anything is wrong with them. Why would they need to look inside?

The goodies are all outside—money, sex, power.

But I’ve seen far too many gurus of all stripes—some religious, some not—who dupe unwitting empaths into supporting causes that end up draining the devotee of her self-esteem, money, and time.

toxic shame produces an inflammatory chemical known as IL-6—one of the cytokines.

If you believe that you are worthy and lovable, your immune system will confirm that. If, on the other hand, you are depressed and feel worthless, you will be far more susceptible to everything including the common cold. A fascinating study from the University of Pittsburgh in which volunteers had their throats sprayed with cold viruses found that those who were the most likely to actually get sick were the ones with the weakest social networks and support systems.

Hello ...Shelter in place! 6 feet apart....anti-social distancing

shame is actually a vampire’s discomfort for being exposed.

What we call help should be replaced with what it really is: chasing or enabling.

Don’t pay attention to what he or she is saying.

Be on the lookout for the tactic that they are using to win. Look to their behavior, not their words.

whenever guilt pops up for me. As soon as I feel it, I fully and lovingly say to myself, “Nice going! You’re nailing it! No one has ever done guilt better than you’re doing it.”

This feels snarky

Go back into that same situation, and in your imagination, say “I simply can’t.” Practice saying it over and over again. Do this until it becomes so automatic that it will be the first thing you think of to say. And remember this, no excuse or explanation is necessary.

technique that worked especially well with borderline personality disorder. You just feign illness or a family emergency. In other words, you turn the tables on them. Now you are the bird with the broken wing; you’re the one who has the need, not them. When you do this, they evaporate like fog in the hot sun.

You can say, “I notice that you’ve started to be critical. So I’m leaving.”

I thought I might even use this as a mental exercise for obsessive thinking about conversations that end badly, that play reruns in my head.

as “gray rock.” It works just the way it sounds: You act like a gray rock. Answer questions with “Yes” and “No.” Limit contact as much as humanly possible. Remember, all vampires want is narcissistic supply, so gray-rocking them will turn off the faucet.

her gut perceptions about the situation were right on the mark.

I thought this was important. A lot of times it is a gut feeling and you should hold that to be relevant and pay attention to that truth

Keep a gut instincts journal. Soon enough, you’ll see that your gut is a pretty great indicator of the true energy of every situation.

“What about so-and-so? He’s human too, you know? If one out of five people is a vampire, who in the world will care for him?” I’ve got news for you, sweetheart—vampires will always manage to get the care they need. Count on it. I have never, ever seen a single vampire “go without.” They

Love this! Because I really feel that they are as hopeless as they have made me. No they have the game figured out.

in the form of consoling and reinforcing the victimhood of people. In groups like this, people don’t make progress. They get mired in the pain of the relationship. Or taking the inventory of the vampire. Over and over and over. What you’re looking for is freedom, health, and joy. You want out of spinning in the drama of the vampire-empath dance, and you’ll never remember who you really are if you keep identifying as a victim who has no power.

Really significant. Getting stuck in the tape is not healing. Even saying a "switch word" like 'cancel'' can help break your thoughts.

Attention: I see you Appreciation: I value you Approval: I accept you Affection: I love you Allowing: I trust you

Not only should you say these things but more importantly you should act like...for me morning pages give me the 'I see you', exercise and diet choices 'I value you', art without the critics', i accept you, a smile, and 'I trust you' is built up on on the other actions preceding it.

The fastest way to the Divine inside is through taking care of the wounded child inside—

Because you have respected and acknowledged it. And you’ve cared for that wounded kid inside who never got the attention she needed. As long as your inner child is grief-stricken, angry, lonely, or feeling unlovable, your outer experience in the world is going to re-create your wounds.

Remember that you MUST disconnect from your inner child each time you visit

or else you stay connected to the wounded energy.

Over time—usually every day for 40 days—this inner child will begin to trust you. And each trip to the magic garden will become more and more fulfilling and healed.

In addition to respecting your shadow, you have to see and heal the wounds of your past, because these are actually what creates that shadow in the first place.

choose the thought that feels better—and this is where it gets tough—you must catch yourself diving into negativity and stop yourself.

Once you recognize the negativity, you can consciously replace that negative thought with one of higher vibration.

The physical effects of words and images have even been proved experimentally.

Practice elevated cognition by choosing uplifting or funny movies or television shows. Choose books with uplifting, inspiring, fascinating, or funny messages.

All of these phrases speak to the fact that many of us—especially highly sensitive individuals—learn early on to put a ceiling on our joy so that others will feel more comfortable around us.

"Why don't you stop having so much fun and let someone else have some."

create a list of affirmations and say them out loud when you get up in the morning or when you go to bed.

“Affirmations don’t make something happen. They make something welcome.”

“I am a radiant, powerful human being who lives life with joy and pleasure. I am a magnet for good.”

“When we dim our light to make others feel more comfortable, the whole world gets darker.” Do the opposite. Shine ever brighter!!

“I expand in abundance, success, and love every day as I inspire those around me to do the same.”

“If your mate is not overall 51 percent valuable, you cannot stay with them and remain healthy.

So remember, breathe through your nose. Breathing through your mouth actually elicits a stress response. It literally causes your body to make more stress hormones.

So what does the masks do? And a stress response weakens your immune response.

And then chew each bite 25 times before you swallow

So I named those emotions,

Check out emotions book if you need help naming a feeling

In many other dreams, when there is an outcome that I don’t like, I just go back into the dream in waking time and rearrange the message in the dream.

You could alsontryndoing this with a memory...turn it into a dream and then go back and give it a happy ending