I Wanna Text You Up (Texting, #2)

by Teagan Hunter

ROOMMATE WANTED Chicks or dicks welcome! Looking for a new roomie? I have a place for you! Like your music loud? I own headphones. Enjoy having late-night guests over? Again, headphones. ;-) Want someone to help pay the bills? Do the dishes? Take out the trash? You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours (metaphorically, of course). Check us out, getting along already. Must be able to pay first and last month’s rent up front. Must be okay with Breakfast & Beats. No dogs. No trying to sleep with me. Two bedrooms. One bathroom. $350/month plus electricity. If interested, email ineedarobin@gmail.com P.S. Dick pics sent directly to my grandmother. Don’t do that shit to her.

“I don’t argue. I tactfully sway your opinions in my favor.”