Unpregnant

by Jenni Hendriks

They were my best friends, but they weren’t the sort of friends you told something like this to. Ours was a friendship built on successes, not failures.

“Did you. Get this girl. Pregnant on purpose?” she repeated. Kevin swallowed. “No, ma’am! I was drunk!” In response she cocked the gun. “Get the fuck out of here.”

“Wow. Such a sweet offer, and I am super horny, but I’m worried I can’t compare to all the livestock you’ve fucked.”

“You tased my dad.”

“I’m sorry you broke up with the boy you were obviously too good for. I’m sure you’ll find another one who’s also not good enough for you once you get to college.”